"We'll have all the wealth we'll ever need, just as long as we're together!" Kailani (Vanessa Hudgins)
If Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is a parody of adventure movies (see the above quote), then I missed the humor, for there is enough cheese in the awful CGI to make a new moon. This loose sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth happily subs Dwayne Johnson for Brendan Fraser, but neither actor should include these third-rate adventures on their vitae.
Combining Jules Verne, Jonathan Swift, and Robert Louis Stevenson, Journey 2 takes the crew to a mysterious Island where Sean (Josh Hutcherson from Journey to the Center of the Earth) looks for his grandfather, Alexander( Michael Caine). When he does find him, we find an aging actor at the nadir of his career, overacting an eccentric adventurer with fake smiles and laughs to embarrass those of us who remember his marvelous Peachy in a superior adventure, The Man Who would be King. Wait, wait, maybe Caine is out-cheesed by Luis Guzman as a bumbling Latino father of the lovely Vanessa Hudgins, playing his daughter.
Johnson as Sean's step father has his moment singing "What a Wonderful World" on a ukulele around a campfire; yes, I am serious—see for yourself. No valley low enough for director Brad Peyton to go to achieve the peak of cheese.
With an island populated by dwarf elephants and sharks and giant bees (see the crew navigate these bugs to achieve an absurdity even Harry Potter in his games wouldn't attempt), we also find the original Verne Nautilus to get back home, which is where you'll comfortably be but briefly until you check your bank account to assess how much this non-adventure cost you and your family. Or why it was worth it to see Journey 2 in 3-D when 2-D is embarrassing enough.
Better to turn on reruns of Gilligan's Island.
