Nutcracker Massacre

Ah. Nutcracker Massacre. I haven't asked myself, aloud, ' what the hell are we watching ' before this. I don't know how long this is. I don't care about how long it is. Ideally, you won't either on the sole principle that you don't watch it.

Nonstop guy breathing into the mic, interspersed with the gentlest beatings I've ever seen, never have I witnessed someone so tentatively brutalize another human with a hammer, strangle someone with a garland, mutilate another's genitals so hard they bleed from their ears (?), all with a ginger touch.

The final showdown of gently wrestling on an astroturfed lawn with a cap gun and some plastic jewelry really cemented that I, in fact, was watching this with my own two eyes and that I, in fact, regret it. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, keep it happier by just not watching this.