Subterrâneo

The premise is interesting enough, and the cover caught my eye. Plus it has some guy named Bug in it and I thought that was pretty funny.

But man oh man does this movie drag. I had to remind myself to pay attention to the screen and not be lulled into a catatonic state by the endless drone of vague and melodramatic dialogue. It reminded me of shopping with my mom as a child when she would run into someone she knew. You're trapped there, listening to two people ramble on and on, hoping against hope that this will wrap up soon so you can do literally anything else with your life.

The lead actor (Bug) does his best to pretend like he's in a real movie. All of the rest of the supporting cast is boring at best and embarrassing at worst. This might be the first movie in history to be directed by someone in a coma.

I can't say this movie wasted 90 minutes of my time. I did have a few laughs at some bad ADR audio, ill-conceived costume and makeup choices, and the soundtrack that insists--despite all evidence to the contrary--that something interesting is happening on the screen.

Not offensively bad but also devoid of any flavor-- this is the cinematic equivalent of eating wet tofu.