Bleaugh...
6 December 2004
I'm a sucker for this kind of movie - low-budget Conan-knockoff sword and sandal movies. I enjoyed the Deathstalker series, except for the most painful moments, and this is very reminiscent of that, but of significantly lower quality (yeah, I know, that is hard to imagine).

The story is fine for this kind of thing - two princesses, each with a magic sword, battling to control a kingdom, with sidekicks, etc., and lone swordsman shows up to help.

Good bits: There are some semi-unexpected plot twists, although sometimes they're surprising more for the lack of any backstory to fill them in, and they often don't go anywhere. The guy playing the adviser to the queen, Seamus (inexplicably pronounced See-mus) at least tries to act. The swordfights, though semi-stilted, end with actual blood on the swords, which I always appreciate, since so many movies fail at that. The men are strong, the women nubile, the costumes OK. I liked the lady who could smell anything, too, and wished she'd actually done something in the movie. The two tortured guards were kinda funny, too. Some of the writing is passable/OK, though often it's lost in delivery or just in confusion. The oddly-apostrophed Ernst May'r does OK, too.

Bad bits: The dialogue. The acting. The direction. The cinematography. The DVD transfer. The S&M costumes. Lots of masks, so they can reuse the warrior guys even after they die. In fact, often they show three guys running the woods, and then six end up dying in the battle.

Unanswered questions: Why is the Fiona apparently only about five years younger than her mother, Neema? And why does she have a French accent, when nobody else does? Why'd they leave her in a trance guarded by three guys in a tent? On the other hand, since the population of this kingdom is about twelve, maybe three would be enough. Was horned-helmet creation all there was to the magic swords, after all?

Some of these are fun to watch, even if it's only to ridicule. This is probably a step below that for most folks.
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