P.U.N.K.S. (1998)
1/10
A Pro-Steroids Film for the Whole Family
2 August 2005
Despite being made sometime in the late 1990's, P.U.N.K.S. looks and feels at least ten years older (a curious music video montage featuring the kids in "Risky Business" Ray Bans causing mayhem on a miniature golf course is straight out of the '80s; a curiouser ZZ Top tribute was likely lost on P.U.N.K.S.'s intended audience). The cinematography is muddy and the sound is washed-out, giving it that undesirable Saturday afternoon UPN quality. In one scene it's painfully obvious that the filmmakers couldn't afford the rights to the Katrina and the Waves song "Walking on Sunshine," so they cobbled their own variation together instead.

Typically, kids movies are allowed to get away with more because, hey, kids are stupid! This film is no exception. The adult characters (both good guys and bad) are all buffoons, a chain of various impossibilities move the plot along, and the laws of physics need not apply.

But most troubling of all is the film's underlying message: the electronic muscular enhancer device that the kids steal and utilize is, for all intents and purposes, a steroid. However, the morality of using using such a device (to defeat various antagonists) is never questioned in any way, making it a sort of pro-performance-enhancing drugs movie. How odd.

And before I lose this thought: The idea of using stun guns repeatedly on adults for laughs is pretty disturbing.

Hebephiles will enjoy seeing a young Jessica Alba in various outfits. But even I--I mean, they will be bored by the majority of this overlong film, which should have ended twenty minutes before it actually does.

This would have benefited from a DVD commentary track of some sort wherein the makers explained their intentions--or freely and unashamedly admitted that this was just "product." Perhaps such commentary could have been provided by a gaffer or a key grip.
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