Toby McTeague (1985)
1/10
This is why Canadian-based films should not be watched.
24 May 2007
It is very easy to watch this movie and hate it simply because of how dated it is. There are many haircuts which look as if they've been ripped off from David Bowie, a computer program Toby uses to design his sled looks like an early MS Paint, and the music sounds like some guy just bought a synthesizer for the first time and thought it'd be a really good idea to use it for the entire soundtrack.

To hate it for only these reasons would be silly, though, because there are much more legitimate reasons to hate this move.

First, the acting needed a lot of work. Particularly Toby's little brother who just got very annoying. Although, I credit that little kid for delivering his cheesy lines with a straight face; lines that mostly consisted of terrible insults such as "You're a turkey!" Which brings me to my second complaint, the dialog was abominable. When a competitor is talking to Toby before a race, for example, he tries to psych Toby out by delivering the forceful one-liner "I heard your dogs are ugly, but man, those dogs are ugly!" In addition, the plot is dull and predictable, and the characters are stereotypical (except for the "wise" Native American, Chief Wild Dog, who just seemed to be insane).

The only highlight comes when the camera pans on a childish painting of an almost alien-looking woman, who turns out to be their dead mother, and afterward Toby's little brother explains how Toby is very artistic but he couldn't get this painting "quite right." Sadly, I don't think this was supposed to be a joke.
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