Crash of Moons (1954 TV Movie)
5/10
Sizzling Saturns!
9 April 2013
While travelling home in their XV2 Orbit spacecraft, pilot Rocky Jones (Richard Crane), co-pilot Winky (Scotty Beckett), translator Vena (Sally Mansfield), elderly scientist Prof. Newton (Maurice Cass) and his young ward Bobby (Robert Lyden) discover a strange atmospheric corridor that connects two roaming moons, Posita and Negato, the inhabitants of which have been at war for millennia.

Alert! Learn this: Crash of Moons AKA The Gypsy Moon is another feature compiled from several episodes of 50s sci-fi TV series Rocky Jones Space Ranger and as such is full of incredibly cheap effects, laughable dialogue and implausible science. It does, however, successfully drive home the value of a classical education...

In this adventure, insufferable space brat Bobby is forced to read classic Greek literature as part of his education, something that proves very handy when he and his fellow space travellers find themselves in several dangerous situations that mirror Homer's The Odyssey. Armed with Bobby's recently acquired knowledge of The Trojan Horse, the Sirens, and Odysseus's return to Ithaca, Rocky and Co are not only able to negotiate peace between Posita and Negato, but also successfully thwart another dastardly plot by power-mad Queen Cleolanta of Ophesia (Patsy Parsons).

Ridiculously contrived and completely logic-free, the plot also suffers from an excess of outlandish scientific twaddle, and is further hampered by the need for language translation between races, something that is achieved through the use of a machine that prints the results on miles of ticker tape, an extremely slow process that is repeated ad nauseum. Dull, dull, dull!

Thank heavens then for the film's lovely ladies, without whom this would be a lot less bearable; cast regulars Mansfield and Parsons look great in their usual skimpy 50s space outfits, and they are joined by buxom beauty Maria Palmer as Potonda, owner of two of the biggest 'positives' to be found on Posita.
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