'Rites of Spring' begins by informing the viewer that girls go missing every so often, like in the town of Derry.
Mark Wahlburg from 'The Departed' steps out of a vehicle, still sporting his saran wrap shoes to cover his tracks, and pulls a little Ezra Cobb to trap some cowgirls in an automobile.
He turns from Dignam to the Zodiac, opens fire on the passenger side, and abducts the girls against their will.
Don't tell me he's forcing them to work his corn fields.
Nice scenery similar to Michael Biehn's 'Bereavement' movie.
A couple of grave robbers gather at Spiritland Cemetery to discuss Ezra Cobb's tactics for stealing the dead.
The start's a bit muddled as it doesn't let the viewer in on the 4-11.
We then cut to a Russian spy from 'Rocky 4' wearing a thermal imitation rat hat.
As the movie's not letting me in on the secret, I have to assume he's a middleman for the grave robbers. They're connected somehow.
He pulls no punches with two bound-up cowgirls and reads straight from an Ed Gein textbook on dressing deer.
While the Russian spy is feeding a beast locked in a cellar, the two grave robbers kidnap a little girl in a ransom subplot.
Considering I've seen this already, I have to ask again: what happens to the little girl at the end? She escapes the movie, and you never see her again.
Sorry movie, but the BOOM MIC appears in frame at the 20:23 minute mark. Whoops. Great job, Boom Operator, fella. He was probably daydreaming too much about the Dolly Grip worker bent over on the floor, all ripe and ready in waiting.
The violent home invasion scene means business and is a little R-rated on the eyes.
The two cowgirls in the shed literally hang in there even after being slit open like pigs to bathe the beast locked in the fruit cellar dungeon.
The Russian spy from 'Rocky 4' turns into the rain slicker killer from 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' and is inspired by 'The Wicker Man' to place animal heads over victims for some unknown reason.
It's revealed that one of the cowgirls is Ginny from 'Friday the 13th 2.' (It wasn't until the movie ended that I realized that this movie bit a few chunks out of other classics.)
The grave robbers elaborate plan to kidnap a child for ransom runs smoothly until, no doubt, they'll wind up encountering the rain-slicker spy and become victims themselves.
Like Kurt Russell in 'Breakdown,' a William H. Macy lookalike is forced to withdraw two million dollars, all in one-dollar bills, to purchase his daughter back.
Elsewhere, the rain slicker spy from Russia prays in a field of corn to some cloaked skeleton effigy and offers it a horned cranium of a ram.
The William H. Macy clone gets game in an attempt to yoke the jokers and reverses the tables on the kidnapping grave robbers to get the upper hand.
Meanwhile, Ginny manages to escape her hand ties and goes on a sightseeing tour of the barn, only to discover her decapitated cowgirl friend wearing a Wicker Man animal head over her head. The rain slicker spy has a stroke when he sees her on the loose and pulls a book cabinet over himself while the Evil Dead beast in the cellar escapes its chamber, and Ginny runs for her life, closely being stalked by the cellar dweller.
She leads 2003's 'Scarecrow Slayer' straight to the ransom heist, and the baddies start dropping.
(Where was Scarecrow Slayer when you needed him in Mel Gibson's 'Ransom' movie?)
Ginny continues to crawl around on her hands and knees, like the Dolly Grip worker who distracted the Boom Mic fella, while the little kidnapped girl masterminds her way out of dodge undetected. She just dawdles off, never to be seen again in the movie. It's like 12 a.m., and she's wandering around the crime-infested streets of Plainfield with all sorts of baddies lurking. Where'd she go though?
The movie manages to tick a few green boxes, like the abandoned high school combined with the farm and cornfield, throw in the 'Freddy 2' bus, and all that's missing is that it should have been a fall setting, not a spring setting.
They've cleverly intertwined a crime story with a horror one, and it blends together well once it comes full circle, even though the start's a bit muddled.
Ginny hooks up with one of the grave robbers, and they bash the rain slicker spy from 'Rocky 4,' investigate 'Alien Resurrection' innards, and release captured dead people, but the partnership abruptly sours when Ginny stabs the grave robber for no reason.
Okay, the wheels are starting to fall off at the end, so it seems.
They slowly built the pace at the start, only to defeat it at the end with fast pacing and getting carried away with endless possibilities.
Advancing from a green belt to a black one in a matter of minutes, Ginny starts to look and act like Sally from 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' She even begs the gas station attendant to let her in again, but is denied this time as they're onto her and learned from the first time.
It's funny how Scarecrow Slayer becomes clumsy all of a sudden at the end when it comes to killing Sally.
He can kill everyone else with ease, but now he's forgotten how to kill the main heroine for some reason.
Sally and 2002's Scarecrow dance the dance at a gas station after being refused BBQ and start dueling in a car.
She takes to him with a shank and runs for dear life.
No truck comes along to save her this time. You're on your own now, sweetheart. Run, rabbit, run, or he'll -
What? That's it? Wait a minute, it's finished? It just ends like that?
Whoa, hang on there, Quick Silver. Roll it back for a second, movie. You're done? You're telling me that's it? I know you didn't just end in that manner, movie.
Come again, movie!
Did the budget run out? You're going to end the movie on that weak note, director? Really? Did the movie really just end like that? I'm seeing this correctly, right?
You were cruising along to a solid 8/10 for most of the movie, up until that let-down of an ending.
This movie parachutes the viewer up in the air, then drops you back to earth with no landing equipment.
Is there a director's cut of this movie to finish off what it started? It can't just end like that. The post-scene doesn't cut it on the cutting room floor as an answer either.
Mark Wahlburg from 'The Departed' steps out of a vehicle, still sporting his saran wrap shoes to cover his tracks, and pulls a little Ezra Cobb to trap some cowgirls in an automobile.
He turns from Dignam to the Zodiac, opens fire on the passenger side, and abducts the girls against their will.
Don't tell me he's forcing them to work his corn fields.
Nice scenery similar to Michael Biehn's 'Bereavement' movie.
A couple of grave robbers gather at Spiritland Cemetery to discuss Ezra Cobb's tactics for stealing the dead.
The start's a bit muddled as it doesn't let the viewer in on the 4-11.
We then cut to a Russian spy from 'Rocky 4' wearing a thermal imitation rat hat.
As the movie's not letting me in on the secret, I have to assume he's a middleman for the grave robbers. They're connected somehow.
He pulls no punches with two bound-up cowgirls and reads straight from an Ed Gein textbook on dressing deer.
While the Russian spy is feeding a beast locked in a cellar, the two grave robbers kidnap a little girl in a ransom subplot.
Considering I've seen this already, I have to ask again: what happens to the little girl at the end? She escapes the movie, and you never see her again.
Sorry movie, but the BOOM MIC appears in frame at the 20:23 minute mark. Whoops. Great job, Boom Operator, fella. He was probably daydreaming too much about the Dolly Grip worker bent over on the floor, all ripe and ready in waiting.
The violent home invasion scene means business and is a little R-rated on the eyes.
The two cowgirls in the shed literally hang in there even after being slit open like pigs to bathe the beast locked in the fruit cellar dungeon.
The Russian spy from 'Rocky 4' turns into the rain slicker killer from 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' and is inspired by 'The Wicker Man' to place animal heads over victims for some unknown reason.
It's revealed that one of the cowgirls is Ginny from 'Friday the 13th 2.' (It wasn't until the movie ended that I realized that this movie bit a few chunks out of other classics.)
The grave robbers elaborate plan to kidnap a child for ransom runs smoothly until, no doubt, they'll wind up encountering the rain-slicker spy and become victims themselves.
Like Kurt Russell in 'Breakdown,' a William H. Macy lookalike is forced to withdraw two million dollars, all in one-dollar bills, to purchase his daughter back.
Elsewhere, the rain slicker spy from Russia prays in a field of corn to some cloaked skeleton effigy and offers it a horned cranium of a ram.
The William H. Macy clone gets game in an attempt to yoke the jokers and reverses the tables on the kidnapping grave robbers to get the upper hand.
Meanwhile, Ginny manages to escape her hand ties and goes on a sightseeing tour of the barn, only to discover her decapitated cowgirl friend wearing a Wicker Man animal head over her head. The rain slicker spy has a stroke when he sees her on the loose and pulls a book cabinet over himself while the Evil Dead beast in the cellar escapes its chamber, and Ginny runs for her life, closely being stalked by the cellar dweller.
She leads 2003's 'Scarecrow Slayer' straight to the ransom heist, and the baddies start dropping.
(Where was Scarecrow Slayer when you needed him in Mel Gibson's 'Ransom' movie?)
Ginny continues to crawl around on her hands and knees, like the Dolly Grip worker who distracted the Boom Mic fella, while the little kidnapped girl masterminds her way out of dodge undetected. She just dawdles off, never to be seen again in the movie. It's like 12 a.m., and she's wandering around the crime-infested streets of Plainfield with all sorts of baddies lurking. Where'd she go though?
The movie manages to tick a few green boxes, like the abandoned high school combined with the farm and cornfield, throw in the 'Freddy 2' bus, and all that's missing is that it should have been a fall setting, not a spring setting.
They've cleverly intertwined a crime story with a horror one, and it blends together well once it comes full circle, even though the start's a bit muddled.
Ginny hooks up with one of the grave robbers, and they bash the rain slicker spy from 'Rocky 4,' investigate 'Alien Resurrection' innards, and release captured dead people, but the partnership abruptly sours when Ginny stabs the grave robber for no reason.
Okay, the wheels are starting to fall off at the end, so it seems.
They slowly built the pace at the start, only to defeat it at the end with fast pacing and getting carried away with endless possibilities.
Advancing from a green belt to a black one in a matter of minutes, Ginny starts to look and act like Sally from 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' She even begs the gas station attendant to let her in again, but is denied this time as they're onto her and learned from the first time.
It's funny how Scarecrow Slayer becomes clumsy all of a sudden at the end when it comes to killing Sally.
He can kill everyone else with ease, but now he's forgotten how to kill the main heroine for some reason.
Sally and 2002's Scarecrow dance the dance at a gas station after being refused BBQ and start dueling in a car.
She takes to him with a shank and runs for dear life.
No truck comes along to save her this time. You're on your own now, sweetheart. Run, rabbit, run, or he'll -
What? That's it? Wait a minute, it's finished? It just ends like that?
Whoa, hang on there, Quick Silver. Roll it back for a second, movie. You're done? You're telling me that's it? I know you didn't just end in that manner, movie.
Come again, movie!
Did the budget run out? You're going to end the movie on that weak note, director? Really? Did the movie really just end like that? I'm seeing this correctly, right?
You were cruising along to a solid 8/10 for most of the movie, up until that let-down of an ending.
This movie parachutes the viewer up in the air, then drops you back to earth with no landing equipment.
Is there a director's cut of this movie to finish off what it started? It can't just end like that. The post-scene doesn't cut it on the cutting room floor as an answer either.