Jason Schwartzman: Jesper

Klaus

Jesper

[last lines]
Jesper: What happened to him after that, how, why, I can't even begin to comprehend. I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. But I do know: once, every year, I get to see my friend.

Klaus: [after Jesper is burned during a delivery] What happen-?
Jesper: [irritated] Not a word. You just sit there. And be all magical and awesome.

[first lines]
Jesper: [narrating] Letters. You don't really write many these days, do you? But I bet there's one you never forget. Send it off to a certain plump guy in a red suit and, provided you've kept your act together more or less, he'll drop off a toy or two. And yet, no one seems to wonder how the whole thing got started in the first place. This is a story about letters, and it began... with this one...

Jesper: Ha! Eat our snow, you-
[since the reindeer aren't attached, the sleigh starts to roll backwards]
Jesper: They're not attached. Why aren't they attached? I thought they were attached. I never in a million years would've done what I just did if I didn't think these were attached.

[from trailer]
Jesper: Good morning, madam! Ah, and a good morning it is indeed! For, you see, today is the day when progress arrives in this charming little town of yours! Now, let me steal a few moments of your time to introduce to you the novel concept that is the postal service...
[the door slams in his face]

Jesper: [from trailer] Mister Klaus, you have a gift. You were meant for making toys. So, I figured, if you donate your old toys, I'll deliver them for free!
Klaus: Tonight. I go with you.
Jesper: There's no need for you to come with me, really.
[Klaus shuts the door and a pile of snow lands on Jesper's head]
Jesper: Tonight, then.

[from trailer]
Jesper: [greets a little girl] Awww, aren't you the cutest little thing! Tell me, sweetie, is your mommy home?
[the girl sets her dog on him]

[Jesper approaches a wooden hut beside a docked boat. A scruffy, middle-aged man rests inside the hut. Jesper huffs, then clears his throat]
Mogens: You go back to the intersection, you make a left at the dead tree. You're welcome.
Jesper: What? No. I'm not lost.
Mogens: Trust me, you are.
[Jesper laughs sarcastically]
Jesper: Funny. Say, nice boat! Any chance you might actually get on it today?
[Mogens lifts his hat]
Mogens: What was that?
Jesper: New postman. Smeerensburg. Which is on an island, which is surrounded by water, which I need a boat to get to, which you have. Are we starting to connect the dots?
[Mogens gives Jesper a jaded smile]

[Jesper is woken by a knock at the door]
Jesper: [clumsily swinging a makeshift spear around and dropping it on the floor] He's here to finish the job! Oh no!
Annelise: Mr. Postman? Are you in there?
[Jesper peers through the door at the kids]
Jesper: Go away! Go! Leave! He'll hear you!

Jesper: [whimpering] That's it! This place is the worst! I'm going home!
[firm voice]
Jesper: NO! You can't leave! Remember? You'll be broke! Out in the streets!
[sobbing]
Jesper: But I hate it here, it's so cold and icky and the people are mean to me and I miss my silk sheets...
[slaps himself]
Jesper: Shut up! Stop being weak! Focus!

Jesper: [from trailer] Come on! We're running out of time! Those kids are counting on us!

Mogens: [mocking Jesper's failure to post letters] Is this a bad time? I can see you're pretty swamped!
Jesper: [exhausted] Don't... you... have... a job... or something?
Mogens: Why, sure I do! I'm here to pick up all the outgoing mail! So - where is it? Now, you're gonna have to help me with the heavier bags. Bad back, don't you know.
Jesper: Man, I hate you.
Mogens: I know.

Jesper: Wait, isn't this a school? Shouldn't there be children, and a teacher?
Alva: Oh, Yes! Oh, thank you. Thank you. I knew I was forgetting something. Children! Thank you!
Jesper: You're the teacher?