Alan Hofmanis credited as playing...
Muzungu
- V.J. Emmie: Back to Alan Ssali, Muzungu Muganda.
- Wesley Snipes: People have been waiting for you.
- [Doctor Ssali and Wesley enter the tent]
- Wesley Snipes: Doctor, what's wrong?
- Doctor Ssali: Well, I met a woman, and she stole everything. She stole my money, she stole my passport. I went to the police. They're not gonna do anything. And I don't know what to do.
- Wesley Snipes: You should not go to the police. You are a Commando.
- Doctor Ssali: I'm not a Commando. I'm a doctor. I'm not a Commando. So I don't know what to do.
- Wesley Snipes: Your father was a Commando. It is in your blood. You are Commando. If you can't train yourself, I can train you.
- Doctor Ssali: How can you train me? I'm a doctor. I don't know anything.
- [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali in the face]
- V.J. Emmie: First lesson.
- [Wesley is dressed in Commando gear and holding a bamboo gun]
- V.J. Emmie: What da hell?
- Wesley Snipes: Are you ready? Time for action. Let's go!
- [Wesley charges at Doctor Ssali with his bamboo gun]
- Doctor Ssali: What the hell, man?
- Wesley Snipes: Run! Run!
- V.J. Emmie: You have to be a Commando! You have to learn to fight for yourself! Forget your wife in America. She hates you!
- [Doctor Ssali falls into a ditch]
- Wesley Snipes: Run!
- V.J. Emmie: That, my friend, was poo poo. For real. This is Uganda. Poo poo everywhere.
- [Wesley continues to chase Doctor Ssali]
- V.J. Emmie: You don't want to be a Commando? Yet, your brother is a Commando. You even have...
- Wesley Snipes: Dodge!
- [Wesley uses his slingshot to shoot a rock at Doctor Ssali's face]
- Doctor Ssali: I'm a doctor, dammit!
- V.J. Emmie: A Commando dog. Just leave me alone!
- [Doctor Ssali catches his breath, thinking he has lost Wesley. He suddenly notices something behind a fence]
- V.J. Emmie: Huh? What's this?
- [Several other boys point their crossbows at Doctor Ssali and shoot rocks at him. He tries to run away, but is cornered by Wesley]
- V.J. Emmie: Oh no! Not again!
- [Wesley and the street children chase after Doctor Ssali]
- V.J. Emmie: Get him! Get Muzungu!
- V.J. Emmie: Wait, wait, wait!
- Doctor Ssali: Oh my God! Oh my God!
- V.J. Emmie: Eat da Muzungu! Cook him alive! He must be delicious!
- V.J. Emmie: They're gonna kill me! Somebody help me!
- [Wesley teaches Doctor Ssali kung fu]
- V.J. Emmie: Master. Da Kung Fu Master. Hello!
- [Wesley does a cartwheel]
- V.J. Emmie: The Karate Kid.
- [Wesley points at Doctor Ssali's stomach]
- Wesley Snipes: What is this?
- Doctor Ssali: I don't know. Some matoke. Maybe some candy bars. You know.
- V.J. Emmie: Are you stupid?
- [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali's stomach]
- Wesley Snipes: Push ups!
- V.J. Emmie: Miyagi Supa Tough!
- Wesley Snipes: Down, down, down. Push ups.
- V.J. Emmie: Do it.
- [They both start doing push ups]
- V.J. Emmie: The Ugandan Miyagi.
- Wesley Snipes: One.
- [Wesley slaps Doctor Ssali in the back]
- Wesley Snipes: Two.
- Doctor Ssali: That is two. That is two.
- [Wesley gets on Doctor Ssali's back]
- Wesley Snipes: Three.
- Doctor Ssali: Okay! Okay! Ow!