User reviews

There are elements that showed promise: football and celebrity cult manipulation most of all (using a Cristiano Ronaldo-like clone; bad accent and family issues included). Especially if you happen to be Portuguese, but, of course, most viewers won't be. The production values are above average for what you'd expect, however the plot wanders, "serious" issues get lost, some of the acting is quite bad (a good turn from the protagonist and his evil twin sisters, though), and it is never as funny as it seems to think it is. In short: it's not great as a farce, and its not resolutely and wholeheartedly bad enough to be camp.

Diamantino (given Portuguese name) is the best film I watched at EUFF 2019, a story that is relevant and funny it took me by surprise and made me regret I skipped it in 2018 at the MAMI MFF.

Narrating the story of a footballer who fell from glory to disgrace because of one missed goal, Diamantino takes you through government propaganda, fascism, illegal scientific studies, and a sweet little relationship between the eponymous character (the brilliant and talented Carloto Cotta whose face itself is so perfect for the role he plays) and a boy that he adopts when he learns about the refugee crisis. The humor is laugh-out-loud here, both through the dialogues and the visuals that is just magically delivered in a snappy screenplay of 90 minutes. The performances are the next highlight of the film, especially the sisters who played Diamantino's sisters on screen. Such beauty and sinister-ship they carry, you cannot take eyes off them when they are on the screen. But come to think of it, this is a film where you can't do it anyway because it's fun... absurdist, but just pure fun. The wit and wordplay is also very strong here. It will most importantly remind you of a real-life footballer who hails from the same country this film is set in... TN.

(Watched and reviewed at the 24th European Union Film Festival (EUFF India) in Mumbai.)

Just because you toss whatever is in the kitchen cupboards & fridge into a pot doesn't necessarily mean it's a nutritious tasty meal. So it was with my take on this script. I suppose no direction/cohesiveness w/giant animated pink fluffy dogs running around (Suppose to mean anything?) can be funny. For the ladies our lead actor spends a lot of time lifting (probably with a large mirror) so that's a positive.

I haven't laughed out loud in a theater in years, but this one really got me. It is an pdd film, hat much is for sure, but also reminicent of genre cult classics like Barbarella. Wonderfully done

The premise is straight out of a cheesy lifetime movie: a retired soccer player adopts a refugee and grows up, but it's so much weirder and queerer than that at every turn. Visually sumptuous, shot on film gives it a glow and helps make the iffy CG look like a deliberate choice. Diamantino is an achingly sweet and earnest character so he's easy to love, lost amongst the scheming political evils of our day.

Diamantino's (Ronaldo's) twin sisters were so ugly, disgusting and over the top that I had to stop watching. Terrible overacting too.

Im sitting in my couch this very moment wondering what i just watched. The politics of this movie are... wierd. Ig to have a lesbian couple break up just so diamontino (a man) can have a romantic relationship with what in his head is a child boy who he rescues from poverty is an odd (to put it lightly) decision from the directors. The movie would work perfectly without the lesbian (Aisha) turning straight due to dimantinos massive honkers. The exact same stuff could have happened without the need of converting a lesbian, Aisha could've pretended to be a boy indefinitely, she could've said that she was a secret agent saving him or some bullcrap. Another example is the ideas surrounding EU and immigration, i think the movies message is EU good, Nationalist bad? And that immigrants shouldn't die crossing the ocean?

What does this movie want to tell me? So the message of this movie is totally lost on me.

Very weird but also smart dark humour Portuguese movie. They had the strange idea of mocking in a spoof of football player Cristiano Ronaldo while also producing a distopy on a Portugal governed by far right who uses propaganda and genetic engineering to split from European Union and repell foreign non-white immigrants. Strongelly, it worked, although leading role character's dumbness does not convince very much. It is a poltical comedy (more than a sport one) with some surrealist touches (which are in the rich good-hearted stupid football player Diamanino's mind). It does what it is possible to annoy far right.

This is truly a unique film. Although unique in this case doesn't mean either interesting or good.

If films where pointless absurdities and narrative are completely out of sync is your thing, then you'll like this sci-fi/political thriller/football flick.

The acting is beyond awkward but what's even more insulting is how this work trivializes and makes petty fun of real issues like the refugee crisis, the rise of right-wing nationalism, gender transformation (which here is described as "disturbing") as well as homophobic abuse. Simply awful.

I tried to conjure up an absurd math equation which addressed the moving pieces that constitute Diamantino's 'plot' and gave up after "Comically evil twin sisters + Childlike megastar athlete ÷ (lesbian government spy couple - undercover refugee) = ..." The beauty of this is in not knowing what will happen next. Many movies can and actively do strive for unpredictability, but here is the rare reality of that achievement realized. It's cheap, in a way, just attempting that. I don't believe this film comes together in the end, but it has a lot of fun trying.

The central visual idea, which is plastered on the movie poster and might just be the only thing you know about this even if you don't totally about it, is that Diamantino (definitely not Ronaldo) is an internationally famous Portuguese soccer star who loves putting nutella on things and who, when 'in the zone', transports to a magical land of pink clouds and giant fluffy dogs. It's a visual metaphor for something that the viewer will likely either get immediately or scoff at. Thankfully, I found myself among the former.

The visual FX themselves are charming. Not just the green-screened pups bouncing (and eventually launching off into space) but the weird poorman's Minority Report tech setups and computer OS designs. Their feeling unreal added to the flow of this in such a nice, lowkey way.

I wouldn't necessarily say that the overtly political elements of the story bogged things down, but at times their prevalence made some of the general wackiness feel like shtick instead of an inspired genesis, and even more of a bizarre pairing when the film transforms into a full-on love story.

While it's far from perfect, I would definitely recommend this as something you need to see to believe, and the less said the better.

I will use the same vulgar and careless language as the movie.

What the f ck did i just watch? I like genre cinema, be it sci-fi, horror, surrealism, fantasy, a.o, but this is a big pile of steaming sh t. There are some good ideas, but the directing is atrocious, with lots of shaky camera to hide the clumsiness of the directors, and absurd frameworks that not even the great Jess Franco would use (but the spanish director knew what he was doing, there is a big difference). And, let's talk about the cast ... the fewer skills and the more over-the-top you can be ... the better. It's a shame because Carloto Cotta is an above average actor and is being underused in this abysmal sh t. Despite having some good ideas (I liked the fuzzy dogs) and some interesting sequences, this fails roundly. I don't think I will ever give the benefit of the doubt to these directors. This is, speaking in pure, hard and raw terms, a beautiful sh t in 3 acts.

..you must be at least as stupid as the lead character of this movie.

Ok, it's comedy; ok, it's allegorical; ok, it's satyrical.

But still, it's all based on the dumbness of Diamantino, and everything is so in your face: no surprises, no plot twists, no emotions.

All characters are one-sided_ the good (and dumb), the bad, and the bad-soon-to-be-good,

The movie made me smile at the beginning, during the dreamy soccer scene, but that's all.

I actually did not fully undestand why the "daughter" had to be disguised as a "daughter", making it even less credible. Maybe in order to avoid any sexual harassment by DIamantino?

Anyway, this movie is avoidable. Best part: the last couple of minutes..

This feels like a pumped up version of Sally Potter's Orlando. It's charming, original, funny, loveable and rather smart.