Melissa Rauch: Harley Quinn • Harleen Quinzel

Batman and Harley Quinn

Harley Quinn • Harleen Quinzel

Harley Quinn: [in the Batmobile, after picking a fight with Bobby Leibowitz] Waited ten years to get that...
[Batman keeps silencing her with his finger]
Harley Quinn: I was just... But... He...
Batman: [pulls over] Pull a stupid stunt like that again, and I'm dumping you off at the nearest police station.
Harley Quinn: [very rebelliously] Oh, big whoop. "You're living under my roof. You play by my rules." Is that it? Newsflash, gruesome. You ain't my dad!
Batman: [appalled that Harley has just dared to talk back to him] This isn't a game, Harley. I need you to stay focused on the job at hand.
Harley Quinn: [still oblivious] Focus-schmocus. You know, I'm starting to rethink this whole deal. Here I am, helping you guys out, pro bono, I might add, and you got to go and get all mega control-freaky on me. "Do this. Don't do that! Sit up straight. Brush after every meal. Don't bite your toenails. Keep your knees together when you're wearing a dress."
Batman: [fed up with Harley's insults] Harley! There are lives at stake.
Harley Quinn: [resigned] Oh, my God! Yeah, yeah, the whole world's gonna plotz. I get it. I get it. You think I'm just some dizzy airhead that don't know nothin'. Do you know what I am?
Batman: My punishment for dropping out of med school.

Harley Quinn: You give 'em 20 minutes of naughty fun time and they think they own ya!

Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing who she has strapped to her bed] Hey Nightwing is it true you used to be Robin? Huh ain't that a kick in the pants, little boy wonder all grown up?
[thinks for a moment then smiles slyly]
Nightwing: Okay now don't be getting any funny ideas?
Harley Quinn: Too late!
[turns off the lights]
Harley Quinn: It's funny I always kinda thought you and Batman didn't like girls.
Nightwing: Wait, what?
Harley Quinn: You know, that book with the headlights and eyeball gouging, I had to write a paper about it back in college, got a B minus
[climbs into bed with him while in her bra and panties]
Nightwing: Look Harley I have a...
Harley Quinn: [interrupting him] Pretty lonely these last few months, if you know what I mean? You don't meet a lot of likely prospects at Super Babes, I'm kinda choosy
Nightwing: I'm not saying I don't want to, 'cuz that could be nice, all sorts of wrong but nice, right now I just really need to find Poison...
[Harley cups her hand over his mouth]
Harley Quinn: Shhh, face it sugar I got something you want and you sure a shootin' have something I want, so be a good boy and maybe, maybe Mama will give you a cookie
Nightwing: The things I do for Gotham
[smiles]
Harley Quinn: I'm taking that as a yes
[kisses him]

Nightwing: [after Batman finds him in bed with Harley Quinn] I was, uh, I was just about to call you.
[Batman glances at the floor seeing a pile of Harley's clothes and underwear then sees that Nightwing had been strapped to the bed then gives him a dirty look]
Harley Quinn: [to Nightwing] Meet you at the car
[walks away happily humming to herself]
Batman: Did you get what you needed?
Nightwing: [smiles while rubbing his head nervously] Well yeah... Ivy's whereabouts of course that's what you meant, no not yet
[Batman leaves giving him a disappointed look]
Nightwing: Like you never made out with a super villain

[last lines]
Harley Quinn: [on Floronic Man] He's just made of leaves, right? anybody got a match?
[Batman and Nightwing prepare to set the Floronic Man on fire, and both kiss Harley]
Harley Quinn: [blushes] Aw shucks!

Nightwing: Where's your BFF Poison Ivy?
Harley Quinn: I can help you find her, but you can put in a good word for me for the parole board.
Batman: Hmm. No.

Harley Quinn: My God, Pammy. You haven't even tested it yet, have you? Have you? Batman said that if you get just one teensy-weensy thing wrong, you could wind up killing everything on the planet. Everything, Pammy! Plants, people, animals... everything.
Poison Ivy: It doesn't matter. Earth will die, anyway, if I don't act.
[picks up a vial]
Poison Ivy: I'm sorry, Harley, but I have to roll these dice.
Harley Quinn: You're gonna make me do it, aren't you? Well, when this is all over, just remember... I gave you a chance.
Poison Ivy: [turns to Harley] What are you - no!
Harley Quinn: [pulls off her fool's cap and wipes off her face paint] That's right, sweetie. The nuclear option!
Poison Ivy: You promised me you'd never -
[Harley looks up at Ivy with sad puppy dog eyes]
Poison Ivy: Harley, I'm warning you!
[Tears begin to well in Harley's eyes]
Poison Ivy: Don't you dare!
[Tears stream down Harley's face. Soon, Ivy begins to cry, tossing aside the vial and hugging Harley]
Poison Ivy: I hate you so much!
Harley Quinn: [hugs Ivy] Works every time. Phew!