Penthouse's Guide to Sex Positions

This title sounds certain to be bringing the viewer one of those Kama Sutra-styled educational porn videos, with Adult players assuming the positiion, a dozen or so times while some expert explains what they're up to. But the creeps at Penthouse Digital decided to just slap this lousy title on a routine storyline sex vignette show instead.

So we have lame set-ups and couples having those brief one-act plays that result in XXX content, no instruction, and no particular interest in novel or varied positions. Emphasis is on lesbian sex, but Michael Vegas and Dick Chibbles show up on set for a bit of boy/girl coupling as well.

My chief irritation here is that a beautiful model, covered in strings of pearls (just like in the old Guccione days in the 1970s when his magazine spreads frequently e emphasized pearls), introduces the segments and then pleasures herself in explicit XXX fashion at the end, but receives no credit at all on-screen. I couldn't guess her identity -hopefully an intrepid IMDb contributor will tackle that homework assignment.

As for the six vignettes, Michael humps a femme auto mechanic played by Ella Milano, Chibbles makes a fool of himself gamboling outdoors in the nude carrying a drumstick (turkey) before caveman-style ravishing Daisy Layne on an outdoor couch next to a fire-pit (how asinine can director Dana Dane get?)

Lesbian icon Celeste Star has her way with soft-porn cable fave Melissa Jacobs, while a dumb blonde on blonde caper scene has Tasha Reign and Lexi Swallow stealing from a sperm bank (I couldn't decipher if their goal was birthing a child or just selling sperm on the black market) and then having Sapphic sex.

Quite dreadful in every respect.