Wicked Witches

The blessing and the curse of the Age of the Internet is that anyone can make anything and find a way to have it distributed for mass consumption. No, it's not necessarily fair to begin making judgments as soon as a film begins, yet very often - whether quality is very high or very low - one can begin to gain an impression very quickly. 'Wicked witches,' alternatively known as 'The witches of Dumpling Farm,' is definitely an instance where certain matters draw our attention from the get-go. Consider the dull, lethargic direction that lets moments proceed slowly and linger interminably, and which deadens any feelings that one might hope to derive from a horror film. Are you looking for tension, suspense, unease, fright, thrills, chills, or excitement? Sorry, keep looking. Even when discrete genre elements are presented to us, such as blood, gore, heightened emotions, or would-be disturbing imagery, the incidence is all too often tiresomely flat, lifeless, and matter-of-fact, and maybe outright blunt and tactless; documentarians have elicited more engagement. (No, truly. Have you watched anything from Werner Herzog? The man is a genius.)

It's reasonable to suppose that Martin's direction is to blame, yet one way or another the cast doesn't come off well. The performances are largely stale and wooden and/or otherwise unbelievable, and no one comes off worse than Justin Marosa. To be honest, the same blandness and synonymic descriptors apply to most of these eighty-odd minutes, and this 100%, absolutely, positively includes the dialogue, which is also just plain terrible. The premise holds promise, and there are fair ideas in the narrative that have surely been the basis of a good time in other titles. There are also bad ideas in the narrative, though, including too much of the party, a scene which comprises a fair portion of the length; the scene writing and characterizations tend to swiftly grow wearisome. I guess we can at least say that this boasts crisp, vivid, and smooth cinematography, nice hair and makeup, some splendid art direction, and decent production values, but if you think that these alone constitute value deserving one's viewership, I desperately implore you to watch another movie - any other movie. Most of the effects that are employed look swell, but oddly enough, it's the most simple ones (when eyes shift) that are the most transparent and unconvincing.

It takes a little more than half of the runtime for us to really get the sinister fun we came here for as the plot meaningfully kicks up. As this happens, however, we also see how emptily self-indulgent some of Martin's choices can be as both director and cinematographer. Moreover, for whatever invigoration and slight atmosphere we do get in the latter half, the proceedings continue to be troubled by further instances of that dull, lethargic direction, questionable scene writing, and other issues, including overdone vocal effects. What it comes down to, sadly, is that there's nothing in 'Wicked witches' that we can't get elsewhere, and those aspects that trouble this feature weigh so heavily upon it that the entertainment to be had is wanting. Not everything about this is rotten, but too much is weak, and the facets that are appreciable struggle to lift the whole above "middling" - not least as they are often adjoined by the flaws. I'll say this much: the variable strength that the picture bears in the second half, where violence reigns supreme, represents the best that it has to offer, and with that strength is sufficient vitality to save the viewing experience from the bottom of the barrel. Would that the filmmakers' worst impulses were reigned in, that as much care had been applied toward other elements as had been toward the horror brutality, and perhaps that someone in addition to the Pickerings had consulted on the production and provided an outsider's perspective.

There are certainly far worse things you could watch. Unfortunately, unless you're hard-up for genre fare or a huge fan of someone involved (none of whom are specifically known to me), there's also no major reason to watch this over countless other similar flicks that are out there in the world. If you do find yourself pressing "play" then it's passably enjoyable, but only if you can make it through the first half without stopping, and that there is slack to be picked up is the sticking point. Watch or not, it's your choice, but there are too many other films to invest in to spend time with 'Wicked witches.'

One of the biggest piles of ---- out there... The effects are laughable ,at one point thrown on the ground thorn out hand was bouncing up and down,clearly cheapest Halloween prop...the rest is not much better.If you want to learn,how not to make horror films,please,watch it. Gave it a 2 just for some atmospheric camera angles...Who the hell paying to produce this refuse???

Where to start....the plot was awful and without direction. The acting was amateurish and borderline comedy. There was no fluidity to the scenes and it jumped around leaving me wondering if I had dozed off and missed something. The special effects were very bad. I would not recommend this til.to anyone.

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to my review of 2018s The Witches of Dumpling Farm: AKA Wicked Witches.

The Story gets a 0 out of 2: There are too many holes in this weakly scripted tale. Too many to mention, but I'll give one as an example. Our anti-hero has been kicked out of his family home and is seeking alternative accommodation. Luckily he finds an ad in the paper, he telephones it, and the guy on the other end announces the room's his if he wants it. We later find out that these two, who acted as strangers on the phone, were formerly besties. Yeah right!

The Pickering Brothers, who wrote and directed this travesty, are terrible at crafting personalities. Which constitutes the reason they fill most of the screen time with drug-taking and overweight middle-aged has-been idiots. For the most part, it looks like they merely asked the guys to be themselves.

The witches themselves are NOT witches. They are monster witches who want to devour your flesh and have the gnashers to do so. It's another easy out for our unimaginative writers. All these women do is troll about, supposedly looking awesomely beautiful: Shame they look like cheap hookers who shop at Primark. They scream strangely and annoyingly, then show off their terrible dentistry before devouring your face.

The directors even dared to steal from The Blair Witch Project (or are they calling it "Paying Tribute To"(?)) When the massacre scene begins, we see loads of scary twigs hanging up. Ooh, I'm shivering in my booties.

It wouldn't surprise me if the boring bro's put this film together to show off their musical skills. Yep, on top of being bad film-makers, they're a band. But don't worry, their music is marginally better than this film. But not to miss a trick or two; they get their crappier music mates to add to the soundtrack. A marvellous way to get your songs to stand out more. They even used the festival they played at, DumpFest - yeah, that's right, "Worst Name For A Festival EVER!" They slid in drone shots of the DumpFest patrons parking their cars. The cue of automobiles was to show how many guests were ar the Awesome House Warming Party they were throwing. Trouble is when you regard the crowd of party-goers, you realise there's must be seven cars to one guest. I love it when film-makers produce this kind of mistake. Unintentional giggles are great.

The Direction and Pace receive a 0.25 out of 4: The direction actually scores some points as there are some decent aerial shots, thanks to the drone pilot. There's even one decent shot of the car and witch chase when we see the fleeing car zoom past a wheat field in the inky night. It's only on for a second, but it's notable because the rest is so dull.

The Acting gets a 0.25 out of 2: The leading actor does try giving the audience something interesting. But it's way too little, and he's not an appealing character.

And, my Enjoyment level hits a 0 out of 2: Thank god for the distraction of the internet. Without it, I wouldn't have made it through this abomination of a film.

The total scores give The Dumpy Witches a 0.5 out of 10: I sat through this film so you don't have to. Enough said!

Floss those teeth, get rid of all the bloody flesh, jump on your broomstick and fly over to my Absolute Horror list to see where this terrible film ranks. But moreover, to discover something better to watch.

I liked the posters I'd seen online in many places and thought I'd give it a look. I wasn't expecting much as knew was a low budget first time film for the directors. The Pickering Brothers. ( No relation to Ronnie Pickering I hope!! Ha ha)

Well. Managed to struggle through it. It was a challenge. The script in poor and the whole film suffers from scenes that really drag on and feel like padding out the film to make a feature length. Pointlessly long scenes. The main character does his best with the script and his acting is fair considering. He makes some stupendously stupid decisions ....but it's a horror film so guess you have to leave some logic at the door. His friend Ian acts so wooden and oddly but he just ignored it .......and his bad acting also. Later on when he's supposed to be having sex with a witch he looks hilarious and as if he is just doing push ups. Ha.

The blonde witch is hot the one from the shop. But the rest aren't much to look at so how they are supposed to be temptresses is a stretch.

So. For the budget and as first time directors I'll add couple of points. Another point for the blonde babe and one for the pretty good effects and use of lots of blood. I guess they made a film far better than many I have seen. It's watchable in places tedious in others. But credit to them for getting it made and for the poster that was very well made. (The one with the blonde babe in) . ...yes I'm obsessed. Ha ha.

The music was ok......except for the friends bands that they are obviously trying to plug. But their amateurish wailings were too distracting and served no purpose other than to showcase .... Pointless and blatant.

Maybe I'll check out their next film to see if it's better. Not the worst movie ever seen that's for sure. As some plonker suggested. Ha ha. Did I mention the hot blonde?