- Tillie Winterbottom: Do you like children?
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: I do if they're properly cooked.
- Commissioner McLennan: I'm not so sure. This boat was launched in eighteen hundred and eighty-one.
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: So was my wife, but she's still sea-worthy.
- Commissioner McLennan: She's probably got barnacles all over her. The boat I mean.
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: She's as solid a brick telephone booth.
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: I'll bend every effort to win this race, and I come from a long line of effort benders.
- Tom Sheridan: I claim that ferry boat race was the world's greatest gamble.
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: No, don't forget, Lady Godiva put everything she had on a horse.
- Mary Sheridan: You two are angels straight from heaven!
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: [coughs] We detoured slightly on the way.
- Augustus Q. Winterbottom: Poker? Is that the game where one receives five cards, and if there's two alike that's pretty good, but if there's three alike that's much better?
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