The Marines Are Coming

William Haines stars with fellow silent stars, Conrad Nagel and Esther Ralston, in this rehash of several of Haines' big hits from the 1920s.

He plays a brash Marine officer, a rival with Nagel for the hand of Ralston, who sails through life with a smart comment for everybody. But after he goes too far and is drummed out of the corps, he signs up as an enlisted man, goes through boot camp, and returns to plague Nagel and Ralston until the guys get trapped in a "banana republic" uprising and Haines come through.

The Haines formula from the 20s usually cast him as a smart-aleck in a military or sports setting, but the basic plot was the same: in the end Haines "grows up" and learns a big lesson as he wins the girl.

After Haines bailed from MGM where he ranked as a major star for about 5 or 6 years, he returned for a couple of cheapie films at Mascot. Neither one was a hit and Haines disappeared from the screen.

Production values here are about what you'd expect from Mascot. The story is unbelievable, but Haines is still a master comic and breezes through the proceedings. Nagel is stalwart, Ralston is pretty. Along for the ride are Edgar Kennedy, Hale Hamilton, and the very annoying Armida.

The Haines legacy will always cast him as a gay icon, the man who quit MGM rather than give in to L.B. Mayer, and a major star of his time in films with the likes of Lon Chaney, Joan Crawford, Marie Dressler, Eleanor Boardman, Anita Page, Jack Pickford, Ben Lyon, and Madge Evans.

Haines' final film is worth a look.

In his last screen role, William Haines gave it a shot, but this movie is too clearly an B movie recapitulation of earlier movies, half TELL IT TO THE MARINES and half Quirt & Flagg. Loose cannon Marine lieutenant Haines is assigned to by-0the-book Captain Conrad Nagel, steals Esther Ralston from his superior while dodging firebrand girlfriend Armida, and gets in enough trouble that he's forced to resign just before the company is shipped out on a filibuster to a generic banana republic. But old war horses can't hear "Semper Fidelis" without charging into the battle, so he enlists as a private to get into the fight.

There are lots of good bits in this movie and lots of fine performances by old pros, but Haines sounds phony in his longer speeches, and Armida acts like a cut-rate Lupe Velez. Even so, there are enough good points in this movie to keep it interesting through the end. Most of what prevents it from being outstanding is the sense that it was over-edited to keep it to 70 minutes, second-feature length.

Perhaps had there been enough grace notes added to more than suggest older, more successful movies, Haines might have cared to continue making movies. Still, he had his successful decorating business to fall back on and given the Hays Office, his homosexual relationship with Jimmy Shields -- sometimes called "the most successful marriage in Hollywood -- must have made it seem like too much of a bother.

The first half of this low budget comedy/drama is terrific fast-paced fun. William Haines, looking splendid in his marine uniform, plays a wild playboy marine officer who just can't obey the rules. He drinks, he gambles, he womanises, and gets away with it all. Only William Haines could make such a role so utterly charming. He races through this film with great style and pizazz - stealing every scene he's in, except perhaps for those he shares with the Mexican fire-ball Armida. She plays a girl hopelessly in love with Haines who follows him all around the world. An hilarious little bundle of energy, she is one of the few actors who can match Haines in sheer exuberance.

Silent film veterans Esther Ralston, Edgar Kennedy and especially Conrad Nagel also lend strong support. Nagel's role is rather unrewarding though, and decidedly humourless.

Sadly the second half of the film gets bogged down into some totally unbelievable war action on a tropical isle, and loses its way. Haines was never very comfortable when he had to be serious on screen, and the hilarious hi-jinks of the first half of the film make a transition to action drama virtually impossible. Still the final scenes return to the comic mood of the first half, and the film is a satisfying, if minor, entertainment, that sadly closed the career of a unique and exciting screen personality. There has never been another star like William Haines, and I suspect there never will be. That Hollywood didn't look after this wonderful performer is a sad indictment of the studio system, and of homophobia.

A sad end to a popular star's career. William Haines tries hard to recapture his former glory in this comedy/drama that also features silent star Conrad Nagel. But this grade Z production just can't do it. You can tell that Haines had no real illusions about regaining his stardom. Using the formula that was so successful in the late 20 and early 30s--a formula that had made Haines a top-5 box office star--the storyline just seems tired.

I had never seen William Haines in a feature film until I saw this, and while many people say that this was far from his best effort, I found it and the Haines persona displayed here to be quite entertaining. This was a Mascot film, and that studio was not known for great films, but it was competently made with an entertaining story about a "renegade" marine who never seems to follow the rules. Esther Ralston appears as the leading lady to good effect. Both she and William Haines were banished from MGM at about the same time. It almost seems like a reunion of tarnished MGM stars to watch these two very talented people at a poverty row studio. Conrad Nagel has the most thankless job as the bland good guy of the piece. Armida adds spice to the film as Willie's erstwhile girlfriend, and she does a musical number competently. A pleasant way to spend 70 minutes. The Alpha DVD of this has it as a double feature with a 1937 Republic feature, Join The Marines.