Steamboat Round the Bend (1935)

Will Rogers: Doctor John Pearly

Photos 

Quotes 

• New Moses : I've got souls to save.

  Doctor John Pearly : No, you got a life to save, and the Lord don't care which one of your jobs you do first.

• Doctor John Pearly : [Fleety gives Doc a kiss]  Oh! Now, look, say, don't do that. There ain't no thin' run you on the sandbar quicker than a lot of huggin' and kissin'.

  Fleety Belle : I didn't mean to.

  Doctor John Pearly : You didn't mean to? Well, that's a fine thing to say. lf you didn't mean to, well maybe I'd better give it back.

  [kisses Fleety] 

  Doctor John Pearly : Too much foolishness goin' on around here.

• Doctor John Pearly : Look out for this bend. That's it. Hold it steady.

  Fleety Belle : Steamboat round the bend!

  Doctor John Pearly : Hey, that's the river talk! Steamboat round the bend. Steamboat round the bend!

• Fleety Belle : I feel like the Lord's just shamin' me for having hated you so.

  Doctor John Pearly : Yeah - Don't have to -

  [clears throat] 

  Doctor John Pearly : worry about - The Lord's a lot broad-minded than you think he is anyhow.

• Doctor John Pearly : You'd think somebody'd killed a man every day around here.

• Doctor John Pearly : You folks know that this man is no confederate of mine. I never saw him before.

• Captain Eli : What could you do on a steamboat?

  Doctor John Pearly : Well, I'm just gonna sit up in the pilot's house and toot the whistle and listen to that old river sing.

• Doctor John Pearly : Look at that. You see that? See that picture on there? Yeah, that's Pocahontas, the wonderful little Indian woman. You know, you all know the story of Pocahontas. You know? That saved John Smith's life, you know? Well, John Smith wanted to get this remedy from Pocahontas, you know? Course, it's just made out of pure roots and herbs that she picked up on the hillside. But she wouldn't give him this remedy. He couldn't get it. He had to marry her to get it.

• Doctor John Pearly : Its 50 cents a bottle. l-I haven't got change for that dollar here. You don't mind just takin' another bottle, do you?

• Doctor John Pearly : Say, boy, you just drunk yourself into a job.

• Doctor John Pearly : Swamps! He's a river man. He couldn't live in the swamps. He's not that kind of people.

• Doctor John Pearly : You're actin' awful queer, Duke. You done somethin' bad, ain't ya?

• Doctor John Pearly : A steamboat is a female, you know? And when they're struttin' up and down the river, where everybody's lookin' at 'em, they're just like a woman with a new Easter bonnet on. But when nobody ain't lookin' at 'em, why, they get kind of careless - and don't care.

  Efe : Yeah-sloppy.

  Doctor John Pearly : Sloppy. That's right. But with a-with a good, live man on this boat like you are - say, you can make this thing perk up - and strut! Get some paint on her nose and get these chickens out of here. We can put them right in the pot now. Here. Here. Start flirtin' with that.

• Doctor John Pearly : I never knew of any good comin' of a river man gettin' mixed up with a swamp trash.

• Doctor John Pearly : Well, engineer, what do you think of it?

  Efe : Kind of looks as though a lot of rats have to find themselves a new hole.

• Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Well, good heaven Betsy. What are you doin' down there this time of night, Doc? Can't you let a man sleep?

  Doctor John Pearly : Come on down. Duke - Duke killed a man.

  Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Well, doggone me. Who was it, Duke? Somebody I knowed?

  Duke : A fella named Big Steve.

  Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Never heard of him.

• Doctor John Pearly : The Claremore Queen won that race in '84. And with - and with Duke as a pilot, I'll bet she could win it again!

• Duke : This is Fleety Belle, Uncle John.

  Doctor John Pearly : She - she - she's a swamp gal, ain't she?

  Duke : Oh, I guess that's right. But - but there's some mighty fine people in the swamps.

• Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Mighty sorry to hear about the way Duke's case turned out.

  Doctor John Pearly : Well, ain't hung him yet.

  Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : That's the truth as I see it.

• Doctor John Pearly : You're a spunky little rascal, you know it? You - you kind of got to admire you at that.

• Doctor John Pearly : No wonder Duke couldn't tell whether you was a boy or a girl.

• Doctor John Pearly : What do you know about cookin' bacon? I bet you never did cook nothin' but catfish.

• Doctor John Pearly : Come on, you swamp rats! Get out of here!

• Doctor John Pearly : Duke's gonna have two sweethearts now.

  Fleety Belle : Two?

  Doctor John Pearly : Yeah. Gonna have two. You - and the Claremore Queen.

• Doctor John Pearly : That's all you women think about - just clothes.

• Doctor John Pearly : Hey, you know what that is? That's - that's the Pride of Paducah. That's old Captain Eli. I want to just give that old snappin' turtle a toot here - to show him my boat can toot louder than his.

• Captain Eli : Say, you better stay away from Salt Creek. They lynched one of them there hootchy-kootchy shows there last week.

  Doctor John Pearly : Where was you sittin'? On the front row?

  Captain Eli : I sure was!

• Doctor John Pearly : Say, you takin' to the river just like an old turtle.

• Doctor John Pearly : What's your name?

  Jonah : Well, I was baptized David Begat Solomon, but...

  Doctor John Pearly : David Begat what?

  Jonah : David Begat Solomon. But I changed it to George Lincoln Washington.

  Doctor John Pearly : Well, now, listen. lf you're goin' with me, we're gonna stick right to the Bible. You're Jonah.

  Jonah : Yes, suh. But I can't swim.

• Doctor John Pearly : Oh, that old bullfrog don't know what he's talkin' about.

• Doctor John Pearly : Gentlemen, General Robert E. Lee.

  Jonah : [singing]  Look away, look away, Look away, Dixieland

  Townsman : Attention!

  Jonah : [singing]  I wish I was in Dixie, I say, I say, A-way down South. A-way, a-way, A-way down south in Dixie, A-way, a-way, A-way down south in Dixie. I wish I was in the land of cotton. Old times there is not forgotten. Look a-way, look a-way, Look a-way, Dixieland. I wish I was...

• Doctor John Pearly : How's Duke?

  Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Oh, fine as a frog hair. Never knowed a man could keep so happy. Wait'll you hear him play on that saw. Man, he really whips 'er. And he eats more'n a horse.

• Sheriff Rufe Jeffers : Here she comes!

  Doctor John Pearly : Yeah. Darned ol' train. It would be on time.

• [repeated line] 

  Doctor John Pearly : Hey, brother, you seen anything of the New Moses?

• Doctor John Pearly : You still wanna bet the Pride of Paducah against the Claremore Queen?

  Captain Eli : As I recall, that was the terms of the bet, unless you're crawfishing.

• Doctor John Pearly : I'll bet you my boat against yours, whole hog or none with me.

• New Moses : I got souls to save.

  Doctor John Pearly : No, you got a life to save and the Lord don't care which one of your jobs you do first.

• Doctor John Pearly : Hey, brothers! Is that the New Moses?

  New Elijah : No, brother, but I am the New Elijah!

  New Elijah , Crowd : Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

  Doctor John Pearly : Elijah. Wrong prophet.