Stan Laurel: Stan

The Bohemian Girl

Stan

Oliver: Hello, honey.
Ollie's Wife: Don't honey me, you big bag of suet! I told you five minutes ago not to talk to me. I told you an hour ago. I told you a week ago!
Stanley: Yeah, and you told him a year ago too. Didn't you?

Ollie's Wife: [to Ollie] I suppose you think you that you can contradict everything I say? Well, you can't, you can't, you can't! And you never will. You think you're a big man, don't cha? Don't cha? Don't cha? Don't cha?
Stanley: Tell her yes.
Ollie's Wife: You keep out of this, woodpecker!

Stanley: You know what?
Oliver: What?
Stanley: I'm not going to say anything until I get positive proof, but I just saw Devilshoof kissing your wife.
Oliver: Ha-ha. Ridiculous!
Stanley: Do you believe me or believe what I see?
Oliver: Nothing of the kind.

Stanley: Did you see him chuck her under the chin?
Oliver: Well, what of it?
Stanley: If she was my wife, I'd chuck her under the wagon. I wouldn't stand for...
Oliver: What are you trying to do? Cause a riff in my matrimonial bonds?

Town Crier: Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well! Nine o'clock and all is well!
Stanley: Could you tell us the time?

Drunk: Oh, gypsies, eh? Can you tell fortunes?
Stanley: [pointing to Ollie] He can't, but I can.
Drunk: Good! Say, there's a coupla things that I'd like to know. And if you can tell me, I'll pay you well.
Stanley: All right! Your eyes are the windows of your soul. And to know all, I must touch your eyes. Watch closely. Close your eyes, slowly - slowly - slowly - slowly. Shut.
Drunk: Well, what do you see?
Stanley: [while picking his pocket] I see a long woman and a dark journey. That's all I see.
Drunk: Ahhh! Trifle! A long woman in a dark journey. Say, I wouldn't give you one ducat for a fortune like that. Ha! What you mean is a long woman with a tall journey.

Oliver: Darling, meet your Uncle Stanley.
Arline as a Child: How do you do, Uncle Stanley?
[curtsy's]
Stanley: I'm pleased to meet you.
[curtsy's]
Stanley: Well, Oliver, I hope you grow up to be as good a mother as your father.

Oliver: Of all the greedy things. What did you want to eat all the breakfast for?
Stanley: Well, I didn't want it to go cold.

Oliver: Stan, Arline's in terrible danger! She's been captured by the soldiers and thrown into the dungeon. Come on, we've got to go to her rescue!
[Stan hiccups]
Oliver: You are guzzled.
Stanley: Oh, phhhhh! Nothing of the - kind.
Oliver: You would do this just when I need you most. Come on, pull yourself together! We've got to go and help her. Go on. Get!

Stanley: [was singing in high, feminine voice] Hello, Ollie.
Oliver: Why, you know that you've got a nice voice.
Stanley: Oh, I had a much nicer voice when I ran a nail through it. I rememb...
Oliver: [sarcastically] You ran a nail through it. Let me hear you sing that again.

Stanley: Don't worry about me. I can gyp that gypsy any time. You know, he's so dumb, he's thicker than mud.