Charles Winninger credited as playing...
Cap'n Andy Hawks
- [Parthy has just gone to bed, and Cap'n Andy is flirting with three chorus girls in a hotel lobby]
- Chorus Girl: Pops, who was that?
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: That was Parthenia, my wife.
- Chorus Girl: Oh, my mistake!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: No... mine!
- Chorus: [first lines; the opening credits are halfway through and still being shown, when we hear the black chorus singing offscreen:] Darkies all work while the white men play,/Loading up boats with the bales of cotton/ Gittin' no rest till de Judgement Day. /Git yourself a brand new gal, /A lovin' baby who's the apple of your eye,/ Coal Black Rose or High Brown Sal,/ They always bake the sparrer and the chickin pie!/ Darkies all work on the Mississippi,/Darkies all work while the white folks play/ Loadin' those boats with the bales of cotton, / Gittin' no rest till the Judgement Day.
- [steamboat whistle sounds offscreen and picture changes to a shot of the showboat arriving in the distance and the black chorus singing onscreen]
- Chorus: Cotton Blossom, Cotton Blossom,/ Long to see you growin' free,/When they pack you on the levee/ you're a heavy load to me!/ Cotton Blossom, Cotton Blossom/ Long to see you growin' wild...
- Young Black Man: There's the show boat!
- Chorus: [singing] On the levee, you're too heavy/ For this poor black child!
- [the workers run to the dock. The calliope plays as we see shots of townspeople running toward the dock. Then band plays]
- Parthy: [on the boat, over the noise of the band] Andy! Andy!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Goshamighty, woman, what's eatin' ya?
- Parthy: Did you tell the band to wear their new uniforms?
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Course I did. What did we get 'em fer?
- Parthy: You'll have 'em all ruined!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Goshamighty, well, look, they're waitin' for us. That's our public! Hiya, public!
- [He waves and the crowd cheers]
- Parthy: He's a murderer!
- Magnolia: Mama!
- Parthy: You're letting my daughter marry a murderer!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Who's the murderer?
- Parthy: That Ravenal! He killed a man.
- Magnolia: Gay!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Then why ain't he in jail or hanged?
- The Sheriff: The jury figured the gentleman he killed oughta went anyhow.
- Parthy: Andy Hawks, are you going to stand there and let your only child marry a murderer?
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Oh don't be so narrow minded, Mrs. Hawks. I killed a man myself once.
- Parthy: You killed?
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Yes, me. Now, are you comin' with us, or ain't you? They're going to be married.
- Parthy: Married to a murderer! Oh!
- [she faints]
- Ellie May Chipley: She's fainted.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Are you sure?
- The Sheriff: She's out.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Good! Now we'll go on with the wedding.
- Parthy: Mercy! Something must be on fire the way Queenie's running
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Now what's the trouble, Queenie?
- Queenie: There's a powerful fine lookin' fella' out here, wants to know if you all could accommodate him by takin' him down the river fuh as the next town.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: We don't carry no passengers - fine lookin' did you say? Is he an actor?
- Queenie: Might be. But he seems more like the kind of a gentleman it's a pleasure to wait on.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: And if you can play the parts to my satisfaction, I'll give you 15 dollars a week and a chance to see the world.
- Gaylord Ravenal: I've seen it.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: You got that, Rubber Face?
- Rubber Face: Yep! I got a cowbell.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: It t'ain't a cowbell. It says here a cow's moos offstage. Have you got a moo effect?
- Rubber Face: Oh, I can do that myself. Mooooooo!
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: Girls, I want you to meet an old friend of mine, Mr. Frank Schultz. This is Miss So-and-so. Miss Thingamabob. And this little devil is Miss Lotti.
- The Sheriff: Captain, I have an unpleasant duty. I understand that you have a miscegenation case on board.
- Magnolia: [to Parthy] What's it mean, Mom?
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: How's that?
- The Sheriff: A case of a Negro woman married to a white man. A criminal offense in this state.
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: No. No such thing onboard this boat.
- The Sheriff: The name of the white man is Steve Baker. The name of the negress - the name of the Negress is Julie Dozier. Which ones them?
- Rubber Face: [the actors are performing the play "The Parson's Bride" on the show boat. Rubber Face, the prop and sound effects man, mistakenly moos like a cow instead of doing a doorbell sound effect] Moo!
- Magnolia: [in character as Miss Lucy] Ah, there's the bell. It must be Parson Brown at last!
- Gaylord Ravenal: [enters in character as Parson Brown] Good evening, Miss Lucy! I was absorbed in meditation and did not realize night had fallen.
- Magnolia: The days are growing shorter, Hamilton, but they're long when one is waiting!
- Gaylord Ravenal: As I came across the field I saw the cattle driven home by your faithful dog.
- Rubber Face: [growing ever louder] Mooo! MOOOO!
- [Ravenal rolls his eyes in exasperation]
- Cap'n Andy Hawks: [to Rubber face] Shut up!