James Finlayson credited as playing...
Schoolteacher
- Schoolteacher: You spell "Needle!"
- Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.
- Schoolteacher: There is no "I" in needle!
- Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.
- Schoolteacher: Now, what is a comet? You!
- Prisoner: A comet. A comet is a star with a tale on it.
- Schoolteacher: Right.
- [points to Stan]
- Schoolteacher: Name one.
- Stanley: Rin Tin Tin.
- Schoolteacher: D'oh!
- Schoolteacher: We will now have the roll call. Those that are here will answer "present." Those that are not here will say "absent."
- Schoolteacher: We shall now have an intelligence test. Who was Columbus?
- Prisoner: The mayor of Ohio.
- Schoolteacher: [pause] What did he do?
- Insurgent Convict: He died.
- Schoolteacher: Well, of course he died. Who killed him?
- The Tiger: Cock Robin.
- Schoolteacher: Who said *that*?
- The Tiger: I did.
- Schoolteacher: [pause] Correct.
- Schoolteacher: What is a blizzard?
- Stanley: A blizzard? A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard.
- Schoolteacher: Fresh, huh?
- Schoolteacher: How many times does three go into nine?
- Stanley: ...Three times.
- Schoolteacher: Correct.
- Stanley: And two left over.
- Schoolteacher: [nods; Ollie begins to giggle] What are you laughing at?
- Oliver: There's only one left over.
- Schoolteacher: D'oh!