- Karl Schneider: They do tickle, don't they?
- Anna, Albert's Wife: What tickles?
- Karl Schneider: Albert's sideburns!
- [both laugh giddily]
- Anna, Albert's Wife: [about her evening with Karl] Now you just wait a minute! I don't deserve to have you and me go all to smash. I've found out for the first time in my life - for the first time - that there are more than two kinds of feelings in the world. Is that my fault? There's a kind of way of making love that drives you mad and crazy, so that you don't know what you're doing. Are you going to throw me out in the street because I never knew this before?
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Now you stop this kind of talk! And stop it right now! You learned something vile from a rat, and you forget that you're my wife - that I love you, and you bring him in here!
- Anna, Albert's Wife: All right, you good, good man. I'll stop this kind of talk. You believe exactly what you want to believe. But you listen! Whatever's happened, some of it's your fault - some of it. You think you can make love in the same frozen way you do everything else. And you think that's all I'd ever have any wish for. Well, I tell you plain and straight right now - it's nothing of the kind. I meant no harm. I don't want anything but you in my home. But if you're going to be so good and so perfect and so unforgiving - that I can't have that, then I thank heaven I found that there is something else. Something that makes you so dizzy you don't know what's happened and you don't care. Now you go ahead and believe anything you like!
- [Storms off, leaving Albert with look of shock and amazement]
- Karl Schneider: Say, be careful Sophie.
- [helps her down a ladder]
- Karl Schneider: You might fall and break your whatchamacallit.
- [leans over to grab some food]
- Sophie, the Cook: You've got flour on your whatchamacallit!
- Karl Schneider: [bends over] Get it off.
- [Sophie smiles and brushes the flour off Karl's backside]
- Priest: Congratulations Albert and, you too, Anna. You're a lucky couple, thanks to the Baron. It isn't every Master who gives his servants a beautiful wedding.
- Otto, the Wine Cellar Caretaker: Just starting the new grapes into the press and we wondered if the bride would tramp them for us? New wine and a fruitful bride!
- Karl Schneider: You're just visiting here, aren't you?
- Antoinette, Maid to the Countess: Yes. We came just for the weekend. I'm with the Countess. We're from Paris!
- Karl Schneider: Of course, I could see you were from Paris. It's written all over you.
- Karl Schneider: Say, do you - have to stay with the Countess every night?
- Antoinette, Maid to the Countess: Oh, yes! I always have to be in the same room with her.
- Karl Schneider: Never a night off?
- Antoinette, Maid to the Countess: No.
- Countess De Marnac: You're shameless!
- Karl Schneider: I thought I'd given Madame complete satisfaction.
- Karl Schneider: Are you the cook?
- Sophie, the Cook: [bent over placing a pan in the oven] What do I look like?
- Karl Schneider: [peers at her backside] Well, I haven't seen your royal highness before.
- Anna, Albert's Wife: You're so distinguished looking with your handsome sideburns.
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Well, you better mind your Ps and Qs, young lady. Or you'll lose your handsome husband.
- Anna, Albert's Wife: Oh, you don't frighten me a bit! You're just a gruff old bear. Oh, but a sweet one!
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Oh, buzz, buzz, buzz. They can't look at a bell button without pushing it!
- Anna, Albert's Wife: Isn't Françoise looking after things tonight?
- [buzz]
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Yes, dear, but something must have happened.
- [buzz]
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Oh, all right, all right. But, don't worry, darling. My father was a butler and he had nine children between buzzes.
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: You can't be disrespectful and remain here, Karl.
- Karl Schneider: I haven't been disrespectful to you, have I?
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: The very foundation of our policy is respect of upstairs.
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: If we criticize, I mean, downstairs; we are no longer servants. We have broken our code. You know, as servants we don't produce a living. Its done for us. As long as we are able, we serve them as well as we can.
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: I hope you'll accommodate yourself to us. You know, I like you. My wife likes you too.
- Karl Schneider: And I like your wife! I like you, too!
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Why, you wouldn't think it to look at him now, but, the Baron was a wild one when he was younger.
- Karl Schneider: No?
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Oh, he was in the Life Guard and every weekend he filled the house with officers and all of them brought their girls. Well, it got so bad, the Emperor finally stopped it. But, while it lasted, it was a gay, wild time.
- Karl Schneider: Well, you have nerve. Coming and sitting in my room without so much of a "if you please" or "by your leave" or - you smell of onions. Phew!
- Sophie, the Cook: But, last night?
- Karl Schneider: What about last night?
- Sophie, the Cook: I thought that...
- Karl Schneider: You thought - listen! What do you think I am? A train that runs on schedule? Last night was - last night.
- Karl Schneider: Sophie, you oughten keep your money in your stocking.
- Sophie, the Cook: But, its safe there.
- Karl Schneider: I know; but, it spoils the shape of your leg.
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: My dear, this time tomorrow night, we should be on the boat - headed for deep water and big fish.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Oh, I hate the idea of smelling fish over the weekend.
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: Tut-tut, my dear. There are a lot worst things you can smell over the weekend than fish!
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: I'm a very lucky man, especially in this day of intrigue and scandal, to have a wife like you.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Scandal?
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: Yes, today, I hear that old von Rappard's wife has a lover.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: What do you expect? He's 80, she's 23. And he has asthma!
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: I'm very much afraid, Nicky, we have a little scandal in our own house.
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: Scandal, here in this house? Impossible.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Nevertheless, it greatly concerns Albert.
- Baron 'Nicky' von Burgen: Albert? But, he just got married. Surely, he's not dissatisfied already!
- Anna, Albert's Wife: Oh.
- [rubbing her stomach]
- Anna, Albert's Wife: I feel so good. So warm and tight. I wonder what makes me feel so warm and tight? Couldn't be the wine, could it?
- Karl Schneider: I know where you like to be kissed.
- Anna, Albert's Wife: What do you mean?
- Karl Schneider: It's all marked out, right here, this little mole. It looks like a drop of chocolate. Didn't Albert ever tell ya how cute it looked?
- Anna, Albert's Wife: Albert never looks at the back of my neck.
- Karl Schneider: Not even to see if it was clean?
- [both giggle]
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Do you realize that this is blackmail!
- Karl Schneider: That's just the word I was trying to remember. But, not really, Madame. Merely a desire to remain longer in the employ of so charming a lady. I'm sorry I have to put the matter before you this way. But, that's what happens to servants. Sometimes our duties are not pleasant.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: You are sure you won't take money?
- Karl Schneider: Well, not for the present.
- Sophie, the Cook: You tell it very good. Almost as good as you tell the story about the coffee shop you're going to buy for me in Vienna - with my money. That's what you want! My money! "You shouldn't work so hard, Sophie. What you should have is a nice little business of our own. With a man like me to help you run it." My savings. All I've got to show for 35 years of hard work - ever since I was 9 years old. And all the time you carrying on with that moon-faced hussy and laughing at me. Both of you laughing at me!
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: Madame, oh, it's ridiculous. Well, the police will deal with him.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Police? Oh, no, no, no, Albert! We can't do dat!
- Albert, the Baron's Butler: I was wrong to think of my pride. There are other things to be protected.
- Baroness Eloise von Burgen: Albert, about Anna, she is young. No match for a man like Karl. You must be patient wit' her. Women sometimes do foolish things, just for lack of understanding.
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