James Gleason credited as playing...
Oscar Piper
- Oscar Piper: Miss Withers, you took the very words right out of my mouth.
- Hildegard Withers: Don't worry, you'll have plenty left.
- Oscar Piper: And if I haven't, you've got a couple!
- [last lines]
- Oscar Piper: Phooey! What's good looks got to do with romance?
- Hildegard Withers: Young man, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?
- Oscar Piper: Sure; have you?
- Hildegard Withers: I was in hopes you wouldn't bring that up.
- Oscar Piper: All right, so what? I'm convinced that you and me should incorporate.
- Hildegard Withers: Are you proposing that we start a detective bureau?
- Oscar Piper: No, I'm just proposing. What are you doing?
- Hildegard Withers: Well, uh, well, I'm just accepting.
- Oscar Piper: OK. The license bureau closes in fifteen minutes. Come on.
- Oscar Piper: [Hovering over Parker's dead body] It looks to me like a clear case of homicide.
- Hildegard Withers: Heh! I realized that a half hour ago. That's why I had one of my students call the police, hmmm?
- Oscar Piper: [Sarcastically] I'm surprised you thought the police necessary.
- Oscar Piper: [In the aquarium] What are you doin' hangin' around this fish house?
- Barry Costello: Well, it's Friday, isn't it?
- Oscar Piper: It isn't Friday for wisecracks!
- Oscar Piper: [after discovering Donovan unconcious in the men's bathroom] Well?
- Donovan: Uh, I was just sitting there and something hit me on the head.
- Oscar Piper: [Sarcastically] It's a good thing it was your head!
- Oscar Piper: You do alright by yourself in the way of vittels, don't you?
- Hildegard Withers: I suppose you thought school teachers lived on chalk and old blotting paper.
- Oscar Piper: Well to be frank, I never gave it much thought what school teachers did.
- Hildegard Withers: All you're after is a conviction, anybody's conviction. I never saw such a man!
- Oscar Piper: How many men have you seen?
- Hildegard Withers: Plenty of them.
- Hildegard Withers: I'm not the emotional type, Mr. Piper, but even you must get a little thrill, out of the thought, that we, you and I, helped those young people to this happiness.
- Oscar Piper: [Looking out a window at Philip Seymour slap Gwen Parker in the face] That a boy! That baby's had that coming to her for a long time.
- Hildegard Withers: I'd never trust a man who was a penguin fancier.
- Oscar Piper: Well, I wouldn't want to live with one if he kept bringing them home with him.
- Hildegard Withers: Did you notice Gwen Parker's, eh, legs, Inspector?
- Oscar Piper: Who didn't it!
- Hildegard Withers: I mean her stockings. They both have stains on them.
- Oscar Piper: Stains? Good, I'll look into that.
- Hildegard Withers: Oh, if you want us to hit on anything more, just let me know.
- Oscar Piper: Oh, come on back, Miss Withers. I think maybe we can get together on something at that.