Penguin Pool Murder (1932)

Edna May Oliver: Miss Withers

Quotes 

• Hildegard Withers : Good morning, Miss.

  [no reaction] 

  Hildegard Withers : Good morning Miss! When you've got your disguise on, I'd like to ask you a few questions. That is, if you can talk through all that make-up.

  Hildegard Withers : Do you remember handling a call yesterday afternoon to Mr. Parker, about four, just before he went out to, to be killed?

  Parker's Secretary : Say, what are you - a policewoman?

  Hildegard Withers : Insofar as it concerns you, I am. I'm connected with the Detective Bureau - not very pleasantly, but still connected.

  Parker's Secretary : What are you trying to do, put the B on me?

  Hildegard Withers : I'm trying to put nothing on you. You have enough on already. Now, if you will answer my questions, you can go right back to your artwork!

  Parker's Secretary : Sure I remember a call. It was a man. He said Mrs. Parker was in trouble so I put him right through.

  Hildegard Withers : Are you sure it was a man's voice?

  Parker's Secretary : Well, it ain't likely a woman would be calling me "Baby", is it?

  Hildegard Withers : [thoughtfully]  No, not so far downtown as this.

• Hildegard Withers : [to telephone operator who is putting on thick make-up]  Now that you've got your disguise on, I would like to ask you a few questions. That is if you talk through all that make-up.

• Hildegard Withers : Are you sure it was a man's voice?

  Telephone Operator : Well it ain't likely a woman'd be calling me baby, is it?

  Hildegard Withers : No, not so far downtown as this. Now, baby, I mean, eh, get the Chief Operator to trace that call. Tell her to report to Inspector Piper at Police Headquarters.

  [Pointing to the Telephone Operator's lipstick] 

  Hildegard Withers : Oh, next time use a lighter shade. That's a little vulgar. Au revoir.

  Telephone Operator : Okay, Lydia Pinkham.

• Oscar Piper : Oh, Hello Miss Withers, what's on your chest?

  Hildegard Withers : None of your business.

• Oscar Piper : It takes a certain type to be a detective.

  Hildegard Withers : Well, I've noticed that.

• Oscar Piper : Miss Withers, you took the very words right out of my mouth.

  Hildegard Withers : Don't worry, you'll have plenty left.

  Oscar Piper : And if I haven't, you've got a couple!

• [last lines] 

  Oscar Piper : Phooey! What's good looks got to do with romance?

  Hildegard Withers : Young man, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?

  Oscar Piper : Sure; have you?

  Hildegard Withers : I was in hopes you wouldn't bring that up.

  Oscar Piper : All right, so what? I'm convinced that you and me should incorporate.

  Hildegard Withers : Are you proposing that we start a detective bureau?

  Oscar Piper : No, I'm just proposing. What are you doing?

  Hildegard Withers : Well, uh, well, I'm just accepting.

  Oscar Piper : OK. The license bureau closes in fifteen minutes. Come on.

• Hildegard Withers : Funny how simple the answers are when we know them.

• Oscar Piper : [Hovering over Parker's dead body]  It looks to me like a clear case of homicide.

  Hildegard Withers : Heh! I realized that a half hour ago. That's why I had one of my students call the police, hmmm?

  Oscar Piper : [Sarcastically]  I'm surprised you thought the police necessary.

• Hildegard Withers : I was with my class of pupils.

  Isadore - Student with Glasses : Where are those pupils. Whatta yuh mean by letting them go home?

  Hildegard Withers : Letting them? Huh, I see you have no children of your own, Inspector. The moment you order everyone to stay, they, uh-uh,

  [She clears her throat] 

  Hildegard Withers : ... I believe the word is "scram."

• Barry Costello : [Walking back to his table in the courtroom]  Your honor, I've finished with the witness.

  Hildegard Withers : You may be finished with the witness, Mr. Costello, but the witness is not finished with you!

• Hildegard Withers : My hat pin! It's gone! It's gone! Well, children, why don't you do something! Don't stand there like a lot of grown-ups! Teacher's lost her hat pin!

• Hildegard Withers : Well, really, Inspector. What do you suppose I was doing here with my class of pupils? Entertaining the fish? I'm a school teacher. And I might have done wonders with you if I'd caught you young enough.

• Hildegard Withers : Oh, you penguin fanciers, you're such flatterers.

  Barry Costello : That's the secret of our success with penguins.

  Hildegard Withers : Well, some good woman is losing a very pleasant husband by it.

• Telephone Operator : Say, what are you? A policewoman?

  Hildegard Withers : As far as it concerns you, I'm connected to the detective bureau... not very pleasantly... but connected still.

• Oscar Piper : You do alright by yourself in the way of vittels, don't you?

  Hildegard Withers : I suppose you thought school teachers lived on chalk and old blotting paper.

  Oscar Piper : Well to be frank, I never gave it much thought what school teachers did.

• Hildegard Withers : All you're after is a conviction, anybody's conviction. I never saw such a man!

  Oscar Piper : How many men have you seen?

  Hildegard Withers : Plenty of them.

• Hildegard Withers : I'm not the emotional type, Mr. Piper, but even you must get a little thrill, out of the thought, that we, you and I, helped those young people to this happiness.

  Oscar Piper : [Looking out a window at Philip Seymour slap Gwen Parker in the face]  That a boy! That baby's had that coming to her for a long time.

• Hildegard Withers : I'd never trust a man who was a penguin fancier.

  Oscar Piper : Well, I wouldn't want to live with one if he kept bringing them home with him.

• Hildegard Withers : Did you notice Gwen Parker's, eh, legs, Inspector?

  Oscar Piper : Who didn't it!

  Hildegard Withers : I mean her stockings. They both have stains on them.

  Oscar Piper : Stains? Good, I'll look into that.

• Hildegard Withers : Oh, if you want us to hit on anything more, just let me know.

  Oscar Piper : Oh, come on back, Miss Withers. I think maybe we can get together on something at that.