Bob Hope credited as playing...
Ace Lannigan
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: If the world was run right, only women'd get married.
- Ace Lannigan: Yeah. Hey, could they do that?
- Ace Lannigan: Whew! That was a close one. In another minute, she'd have had a wedding ring through my nose.
- Ace Lannigan: I just want you to stand there and admire me for a while. I just got an idea that's gonna make us a fortune. I don't know how I do it.
- Ace Lannigan: I need some air.
- Joshua Mallon IV: The night air is bad for you junior, back in the net.
- Ace Lannigan: Yeah, now I know how a salmon feels.
- Ace Lannigan: Your engagement? Why you double-crossin', moonstruck pushover. Gloria hits you with a little billin' and cooin' and - bang - you're a dead pigeon, huh?
- Ace Lannigan: [wrestling with a just caught Marlin] Hey, he's still alive!
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: He won't give up!
- Ace Lannigan: He must be a Republican.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: This is a very special offer. The dollar bottle has been selling for 50 cents. It's now available for a quarter.
- Ace Lannigan: Down to a quarter! I'll take a dime.
- Ace Lannigan: He's dipped to a dime.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: A cigar coupon!
- Ace Lannigan: Anybody got an old razor blade?
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: An old beat up yam?
- Ace Lannigan: A bus ticket?
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: We're going to make a fortune.
- Ace Lannigan: Is that your mustache? Tell me, does your chest ever get jealous of your upper lip? Ah, a might pretty thing. A mighty pretty thing.
- Ace Lannigan: Look at that! Just like a platinum blonde riding a white horse through a flock of swans.
- Ace Lannigan: [in brown face, disguised as natives] Shucky-ducky-walky?
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: No. No sucky-ducky.
- Ace Lannigan: Oh, sucky-ducky. Bicarbonate soda.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: Okey-dokey.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: Where is Josh going?
- Ace Lannigan: Oh, where's he always goin'? He sees a pair of big, brown eyes and he starts doin' nip-ups. Give him a girl, a moon and some stars and he goes haywire. In fact, just give him a girl!
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: Well, you dopey-looking cluck! You're kidding. You in love?
- Ace Lannigan: What's the matter with that? Dopier-lookin' clucks than me have been in love.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: Well, name one.
- Ace Lannigan: We've got to agree on something right now - no more women! No women of any kind, size, shape, or color.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: Not even midgets!
- Ace Lannigan: Why, if either of us looks at anything in a skirt, the other can clip his ears off and stuff 'em down his throat.
- Joshua 'Josh' Mallon V: And I hope you choke.