Horace McMahon: Mugsy

Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

Mugsy

Mugsy: I would like to ask you one simple question: How many states are you wanted in?
Harry: How many are dere?
Mugsy: Forty eight.
Harry: Dat's how many.

Harry: [Upon discovering a rocket that has just landed] What's that?
Mugsy: If I didn't see with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it.
Harry: What is it?
Mugsy: Are you kiddin'? That's a spaceship. Them guys weren't from Mardi Gras, they're from Mars.
Harry: What's Mars? Is that anywheres near Hoboken?
Mugsy: What's Mars! Mars is a planet. A planet is a thing that goes revolving around in space.
Harry: How did it get up there?
Mugsy: Well, it all depends whether you subscribe to the Laplacian theory of 1796 or whether you subscribe to the tidal theory formulated by somebody in 1919.
Harry: Gee, must be wonderful to have education.

Mugsy: For the first time since I know you, you are showing a gleaming of intelligence.
Harry: I am with you.

Mugsy: It's a ray gun. It shoots paralysis rays. You hit a thing with one of them and you stiffen 'em out like a plank momentarily. Later on he comes out of it and he's all right again. Flash Gordon uses one of them.
Harry: Yeah? What mob does he run with?

Harry: [tries on a new hat] How do you like this one?
Mugsy: It doesn't do enough for you. It doesn't have enough chick, like they say in French.

Mugsy: Stop foolin' around with them instruments! We'll wait for them Martians to come and let them run the ship.
Harry: Hey, talk about foolin' around, they got any dames in this Mars place?
Mugsy: Naturally they got dames. I seen pictures from there. They got big heads, four arms, and wireless aerials growin' out of their ears.
Harry: That don't sound very entrancing to me.
Mugsy: They don't sound no worse then some of them beagles I seen you keepin' company with.

Mugsy: [to Allura] Ah, fair flower of Venus. The sight of you makes my lips burn for your kisses. It kindles the fires of love in my heart. The flames sear my soul.
Orville: Squirt the hose on him, put the fire out, and put him in the dungeon.
Venusian Captain Olivia: Yes, oh mighty King.

Mugsy: You mean there's all dames here and just us four men?
Harry: What a spot for a black market.
Mugsy: What a spot for me to be King. Look, if the Queen banished one King for kissin' a dame, I figure she'll do the same thing to Orville.
Harry: You think them tights will fit you?