Phffft

Charlie Nelson: A mustache is a very important thing. That's part of the famous Charlie Nelson theory in the efficacy of face hair in dealing with the opposite sex.

Robert Tracey: [Slightly taken aback] What?

Charlie Nelson: Always remember this: dames become unpredictable when faced with a mustache. It both arouses, and angers them, because... being as it is a symbol of masculinity, they feel drawn toward it.