- Vernon 'Vern' Walsh: I love kids. What if I can prove it?
- Otto Stacy - Lawyer: [His lawyer] There hasn't been a miracle since the 13th century.
- Jacqueline 'Jackie' Walsh: Vern can give him things you can't write a check for. He can teach him how to swing a Louisville walking stick instead of a slugger. And pitch against me on mother's day. And how to smoke corn pones in the cellar. These are advantages no child should be deprived of.
- Vernon 'Vern' Walsh: What kind of a law is that - when a guy has to get married to get his own kid? They call this a democracy?
- Jacqueline 'Jackie' Walsh: Goodbye Uncle Bill. I'm sorry you disapprove of me.
- Dr. William M. 'Uncle Bill' Parnell: I don't disapprove of you. I just happen to be old-fashioned enough to think that people who get married ought to stay that way. Not hopping in and out of marriage like changing partners at a dance.
- Vernon 'Vern' Walsh: Well, you bought Herbert. I bought Timmy. Herbert's old enough to stay at home alone.
- Gibson - Fletcher's Butler: Don't worry, Mrs. York, they can't possibly hurt one another.
- Wanda York: They might catch a cold from stirring up so much breeze.