Vivian Vance credited as playing...
Ethel Mertz
- Lucy Ricardo: How much do you want to bet?
- Fred Mertz: Ten dollars.
- Ethel Mertz: Well what's the matter with twenty dollars?
- Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with thirty dollars?
- Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter with fifty dollars?
- Fred Mertz: What was the matter with ten dollars?
- Lucy Ricardo: Hey, Ethel. Guess what Ricky got me!
- Ethel Mertz: Um... let's see. A hat? A new dress?
- Lucy Ricardo: Oh Ethel better! Think about what every woman wants from her husband!
- Ethel Mertz: A divorce?
- Ethel Mertz: Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite.
- Fred Mertz: What's your excuse at sea level?
- Ricky Ricardo: I don't like that tone. You are thinking again.
- Lucy Ricardo: There's no law about me going to Romanov's. Perhaps maybe stopping by your table and...
- Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, if I so much as see your face at Romanov's, I'm gonna wrap you up in brown paper and mail you back to New York. And that's an ultimatum.
- Ethel Mertz: An ultimatum? I'm not surprised.
- Lucy Ricardo: I am. I didn't think he knew how to pronounce it.
- Ethel Mertz: There's lots of things you're good at.
- Lucy Ricardo: Like what?
- Ethel Mertz: Well, you're awfully good at... uh... You've always been great at...
- Lucy Ricardo: Those are the same ones Ricky came up with.
- Lucy Ricardo: If some other woman were to take Fred away from you, you'd be singing a different tune, too.
- Ethel Mertz: Yeah, "Happy Days Are Here Again".
- [while watching Lucy and Ricky kiss]
- Ethel Mertz: Isn't that sweet? Just like two lovebirds.
- Fred Mertz: What are you, a bird watcher?
- Ethel Mertz: Fred, I'm sorry I said you were a dumb bunny.
- Fred Mertz: And I'm sorry you're so fat you sat on my glasses and broke'em.
- Ethel Mertz: What are you writing about?
- Lucy Ricardo: I'm writing about things I know.
- Ethel Mertz: That won't be a novel that will be a short story
- Ethel Mertz: Where you afraid you'd lose me?
- Fred Mertz: I'll say, that outfit you're wearing is rented.
- Fred Mertz: [says Little Ricky can't keep a dog in the apartment] That pooch has got to go!
- Little Ricky: [walks in] Mommy! I thought of a name for my dog.
- Lucy Ricardo: Oh?
- Little Ricky: His name is Fred.
- Lucy Ricardo: Fred? Well how did you ever come up with that?
- Little Ricky: I always name my pets after people I like!
- Ethel Mertz: [Fred turns to leave] Fred? Where are you going?
- Fred Mertz: Down to the basement to get the box!
- Lucy Ricardo: How would you feel if Fred was smoldering with jealousy?
- Ethel Mertz: Fred wouldn't smolder if he banged into a blowtorch.
- Ethel Mertz: I refuse to go anywhere with someone who thinks I am a hippopotamus.
- Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, is this true?
- Lucy Ricardo: No, I just implied that she was a little hippy... though she has got the biggest potamus I've ever seen.
- Ethel Mertz: If I let my hair go like that you'd never let me hear the end of it.
- Fred Mertz: Honeybunch, if the rest of you looked like that I wouldn't care if you were bald.
- Ricky Ricardo: Fred, how often is Ethel's checking account overdrawn?
- Fred Mertz: Never.
- Ricky Ricardo: Never? How do you manage that?
- Ethel Mertz: It's easy. I never had enough money at one time to open a checking account.
- Fred Mertz: She spends money like I'm printing it in the basement!
- Ethel Mertz: [does not believe that Lucy got her black eye when Ricky accidentally tossed her a book with poor aim, and suspects abuse instead] This is Ethel, your friend, to whom you may turn in time of crisis.
- Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, have you been drinking?