For an example of a fun movie to spend an hour with, see TRAPPED BY TELEVISION from 1936. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you want to spend that hour in abject misery you should watch ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. from 1961. I can't say it's the worst movie I've ever seen (that dishonor belongs to another
) but it is most definitely one of the worst. I watched these two movies hour-long movies of bygone eras (TRAPPED BY TELEVISION and ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A.) back-to-back the other day and the two of them could not have been more different. ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. is a spy movie for people who hate spy movies. And movies in general. And life. It opens with Russia's launch of Sputnik satellite into orbit and jumps immediately to the United States Department of Defense where people are worried that it will be used to collect data for the enemy. The decision is made to waste no time dropping a central intelligence agent, John Manston (John McKay), behind enemy lines to meet with a Soviet defector named Tanya (Monica Davis). Tanya will use her connections inside the Russian government as an official's mistress to get information on Sputnik's true purpose and the potential likelihood of an attack on the United States. Then a bunch of nothing happens, your interest most like declines to the point of physical pain, and after a while we get the inevitable missile attack against the United States in a film that I assume was meant to scare the American population into hating Russia even more.
I don't know if I'm even justified in commenting on this horrible, horrible film because, despite having actually seen it twice now (and this I promise
never again), I have no real idea what goes on once John makes contact with Tanya in Moscow because this movie is so incredibly dull and so horribly executed that I am incapable of keeping interest. I might be looking at the screen as the movie is playing but my attention begins dropping off exponentially until I'm left glassy-eyed and slack-jawed. I'm essentially comatose for twenty or thirty minutes until finally something of interest happens in the film and John sneaks (unsuccessfully) onto a Russian military base and finds the missiles locked and loaded for assault on the United States. Then we shift over to New York City where we spend some time getting to know a bunch of regular folk for a few minutes in a desperate attempt to add emotional weight to the final few minutes of the film. I haven't managed to find any sort of confirmation but, from the quality and content of ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A., it reeks of anti-Soviet propaganda. I really want to know if this movie was developed and released to help fuel the average American's fear of the Russians. Or maybe it's not and director Barry Mahon was venting some of his own personal fears through this film. I don't know and I've already stopped caring. Regardless of what ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. was supposed to be, it's garbage. Unwatchable garbage.
I mean, come on
it's just so poorly done. Movies had been around long enough that we had an understanding of character development, story structure, drama and creating tension. This uses absolutely none of it. The only characters we spend any real time with are Manston and Tanya, and I couldn't care less about either. John McKay seems as if he's genuinely trying to act in a spy film (and failing) while Monica Davis may as well have been pulled in off the street. She's just bad. So, right off the bat, I don't care about the characters. What about the story? If it's interesting enough, I might be able to forgive some of the film's other problems. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Story's crap. What little bit I walked away with, anyway. You see, most of the film's exposition is delivered in droning voice-over narration. And some of the character motivation, too. Seeing as how no one in this film bothers to act, the narrator is left with the job of telling us how characters are feeling. It's insufferable and impossible to follow as a result. I dare you to find anyone who'll enjoy this movie non-ironically. Because this movie fails on so many levels, I can't see it being effective propaganda because I can't imagine anyone sitting through this movie at full attention. If anything, ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. could've been used to torture suspected Communist sympathizers into confession. Just stay away from this movie. Or don't. I don't care. But just remember I warned you.
**ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. Fun Fact: director Barry Mahon and "actress" Monica Davis went on to create a bunch of old-timey porn sounding movies (not necessarily together) including 1000 SHAPES OF A FEMALE, SIN IN THE CITY, UNHOLY MATRIMONY, and RUN SWINGER RUN.
