"Alvin Purple" is surely one of the most boring movies ever made. Sure, it's got quite a bit of nudity (most of it from its unattractive star, Graeme Blundell), but you'll need to fast-forward through much of its run-time if that's all you want to get out of it.
It's also not amusing in the least. There is not one laugh to be had throughout its estimated 4 hour length.
The plot is something about a boring, ugly guy who is irresistible to women but does not reciprocate this attraction. He's not gay, just not interesting enough to be interested. In anything.
I think the filmmakers took cues from "The Graduate", with its inert, homely star and his paramour. In this one there's more sex, less humour, and above all, more tedium. It's one of those movies where it feels like nothing happens for the longest part of it. There's an endless court scene which leads to a car chase and then something to do with sky diving...
Oh, and of course the one woman Alvin is really interested in, the goody two shoes who never takes her clothes off despite being better looking than all the ones who do. At this point I am forced to conclude that Graeme Blundell's Alvin is not just unattractive, but repulsive. I couldn't watch this movie toward the end and I may as well blame him as its most visible target. I pray to god I never have to sit through this again.
