Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number! (1966)

Phyllis Diller: Lily

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Lily spots lipstick on Tom's cheek] 

  Lily : What's this?

  Tom Meade : I hope it's blood.

  Lily : If your wife sees it, it will be.

• Tom Meade : What kind of mood was Martha in when she got home?

  Lily : She was so mad, I couldn't tell.

  Tom Meade : Well, at least she still loves me enough to hate me.

• Lily : The whole thing sounds underhanded, disgraceful and messy, and you can count on me.

• Lily : How do you want your eggs? Poached, fried or raw?

  Tom Meade : Scrambled - like your head.

• Lily : [Trying to lift DiDi out of bathtub]  You take the safe half.

  Tom Meade : I don't think she has a safe half.

• Tom Meade : You want to get your money out of that property, don't you?

  Lily : Yeah!

  Tom Meade : You want to help me get it off our hands so I can dump it off on some *other* unsuspecting jerk, don't you?

  Lily : Right!

  Tom Meade : Well, Didi is the magic word... and I'm gonna' need help.

  Lily : The whole thing sounds underhanded, disgraceful, and messy... and you can count on me.

• Lily : The trouble with men is, they don't understand what makes a woman tick.

  Tom Meade : This one ticks like a time bomb.

  Lily : [rummaging in Didi's purse]  Now, any woman who carries sleeping pills has *got* to carry pep pills... and here they are!

  Tom Meade : Oh, Lilly, I could almost kiss you! - I said "almost".