- Jacqueline De Bellefort: [of Doyle] I was mad last night. I might have killed him. Do you think he'll ever forgive me?
- Miss Bowers: It's more than likely. It's been my experience that men are least attracted to women who treat them well.
- Mrs Otterbourne: [Interrupting Poirot and Race] Do forgive me for butting in, but I have a bet with my daughter here, that you're Hercules Porridge, the famous French sleuth.
- Hercule Poirot: Not quite. I am Hercule Poirot, the famous Belgian sleuth.
- Col. Johnny Race: [of Mrs Otterbourne] What a perfectly dreadful woman. Why doesn't somebody shoot her, I wonder?
- Hercule Poirot: Perhaps one day, the subscribers of the lending libraries will club together and hire an assassin.
- Jacqueline De Bellefort: Simon was mine and he loved me, then *she* came along and... sometimes, I just want to put this gun right against her head, and ever so gently, pull the trigger. When I hear that sound more and more...
- Hercule Poirot: I know how you feel. We all feel like that at times. However, I must warn you, mademoiselle: Do not allow evil into your heart, it will make a home there.
- Jacqueline De Bellefort: If love can't live there, evil will do just as well.
- Hercule Poirot: How sad, mademoiselle.
- Andrew Pennington: What the hell is going on?
- Hercule Poirot: We're going through your private papers, sir, isn't that obvious?
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: You perfectly foul French upstart!
- Hercule Poirot: Belgian upstart, please, madame.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: How would a little trip down the Nile suit you?
- Miss Bowers: There is nothing I would dislike more. There are two things in the world I can't abide: it's heat and heathens.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Good. Then we'll go. Bowers, pack.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Shut up, Bowers. Just because you've got a grudge against her, or rather her father, no need to be uncivil.
- Miss Bowers: *Grudge*? Melhuish Ridgeway ruined my family!
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Well, you should be grateful. If he hadn't, you would have missed out on the pleasure of working for me.
- Miss Bowers: I could kill her on that score alone!
- [last lines]
- Col. Johnny Race: What are you thinking?
- Hercule Poirot: I was thinking of Molière: 'La grande ambition des femmes est d'inspirer l'amour'.
- Col. Johnny Race: [sighs] I do wish you'd speak some *known* language...
- Hercule Poirot: 'The great ambition of women is to inspire love.'
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Come on, Bowers, time to go. This place is beginning to resemble a mortuary.
- Miss Bowers: Thank God you'll be in one yourself before too long, you bloody old fossil!
- Hercule Poirot: Mon Dieu, j'ai faim.
- Col. Johnny Race: [whispers] Poirot! You have a woman?
- Hercule Poirot: Not femme, faim! I am... peckish.
- Manager Of The Karnak: We have found it! We have found it! Oh goody goody! Oh goody goody gumdrops! This certainly takes the camel's hump, oh yes, and no mistake.
- Hercule Poirot: There is a dead, um, cobra over there. Do me the kindness of having it removed, please. Thank you very much. Come, Race.
- Manager Of The Karnak: A cobra? Oh cripes! Never have I seen such a reptile in a first class cabin. Never! Ooh. Ooh! Ooh.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: [Remarking on Linnet's pearls] Oh, they're beautiful!
- Linnet Ridgeway: Thank you.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: And extraordinary, if you know how they're made. A tiny piece of grit finds it's way into an oyster, which then becomes a pearl of great price, hanging 'round the neck, of a pretty girl like you.
- Linnet Ridgeway: I never thought of it that way.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Well, you should. the oyster nearly dies!
- [to Mrs. Van Schuyler and Miss Bowers]
- Manager Of The Karnak: You are Mrs. and Ms. Otterbourne, righty?
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Wrong-y!
- Rosalie Otterbourne: Somehow, I don't think Monsieur Poirot is a very keen reader of romantic novels, Mother.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Well, of course he is! All Frenchmen are. They're not afraid of good, strong sex!
- Jacqueline De Bellefort: If you think I'm suffering, you're quite wrong. Actually, I'm rather enjoying myself.
- Hercule Poirot: Yes. Your pleasure is the very worst part of it, Mademoiselle.
- Hercule Poirot: I tell you, mon vieux, I feel the presence of evil all about me. The sooner we reach Wadi Halfa, the better.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Will you not join me for a little refreshment? This marvellous little man here has just made me the most extraordinary concoction out of native fruit juices. It's called a "Golden Sepik" and is named after the god of the ancient city of "Crocodilopolis".
- Hercule Poirot: Not for me, thank you very much.
- Col. Johnny Race: Sometimes I do take the hair of the dog, but never the scale of the crocodile.
- Mrs Otterbourne: If you please, leave me alone.
- Hercule Poirot: Well, if we have disturbed you, we are both desolate.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Oh, life can be so cruel! One must be brave, very brave, to bear the calumnies of life. Here, barman! This crocodile has lost its "croc"!
- Mrs Otterbourne: I tell you that I, Salome Otterbourne, have succeeded where frail men have faltered. I am a finer sleuth than even the great Hercule Porridge.
- Hercule Poirot: [pointing the Manager of the Karnak towards the bathroom] There is a dead cobra over there. Please do me the kindness of having it removed.
- Andrew Pennington: [reading the newspaper] "Linnet Ridgeway marries penniless Prince Charming after whirlwind romance. They plan their honeymoon in Egypt." Jesus H. Christ!
- Pennington's Business Partner: Don't you mean Tutankhamun?
- Hercule Poirot: I say bury the dead. Not as the Egyptians do, preserving the body in order to ensure the immortality of the soul. No. Properly, finally! Turn your back on the past. Look only forward. Remember, time heals - everything.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Do you tango, Colonel?
- Col. Johnny Race: Poorly, I'm afraid, Miss Otterbourne.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Then I shall teach you to do it correctly, as it was done in old Spain, when it was known as the "cheeker", that is to say, with a sensuous, *erotic* dash.
- Simon Doyle: She has a hell of a temper and a mind of her own.
- Hercule Poirot: She wishes to wear the trousers.
- Simon Doyle: Yes. And a man can't have that, can he Mr P.?
- Hercule Poirot: No. No.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Amazing, if you know how they're made. A tiny piece of grit makes its way into an oyster which eventually becomes a pearl of great price hanging round the neck of a pretty girl like you.
- Linnet Ridgeway: I never thought of it that way.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Well, you should. The oyster nearly dies.
- Hercule Poirot: I'm very sorry to see you here, Mademoiselle. Forgive me for saying so, but you're embarking on a hazardous journey in troubled waters. You face who knows what currents of misfortune.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Oh, yes, rams. Lickerish, priapic, erotisch rams! How noble they are! With their proud flanks, flared nostrils, and unashamed curled horns.
- Jim Ferguson: Karl Marx said that religion was the opium of the people. For your mother, it's obviously sex.
- Miss Bowers: I think a shot of morphia will meet the case. I've always found it very effective when Mrs Van Schuyler is carrying on.
- Mrs Otterbourne: I suppose that uncouth young man will appear now and attempt to seduce you. Well, don't let him succeed without at least the show of a struggle. Remember, the chase is very important.
- Rosalie Otterbourne: Oh, mother!
- Miss Bowers: Poppycock. From whom did you hear that?
- Hercule Poirot: From your own lips, Mademoiselle, three days ago.
- Miss Bowers: How dare you listen to a private conversation!
- Hercule Poirot: Some voices carry.
- Hercule Poirot: I'm referring to the Potsdam pearls, Madame, which belong to Madame Doyle and which have been abducted.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Abducted?
- Hercule Poirot: Dérobé. Purloined. Pinched.
- Manager Of The Karnak: How is the sleuthing going? With eminence and discretion? No one to put the hand-grips on?
- Hercule Poirot: Let us change for dinner. J'ai faim.
- Col. Johnny Race: Poirot, you have a woman?
- Hercule Poirot: Femme is woman. J'ai faim. I am peckish.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: What you need is a nice cool holiday. I was thinking of a trip through the Gobi Desert.
- Jacqueline De Bellefort: [singing a line from the song "Frankie and Johnny" to Simon Doyle] He was her man, but he was doin' her wrong!
- Dr. Ludwig Bessner: This, eh, chair is free, eh?
- Jim Ferguson: In this world, comrade, nothing's free.
- Mrs Otterbourne: Oh, the crime passionnel, the primitive instinct to kill, so closely allied to the sex instinct.
- Linnet Ridgeway: Bitch! Everywhere we go, she pops up.
- Simon Doyle: Darling.
- Linnet Ridgeway: Like some kangaroo in heat.
- Mrs. Van Schuyler: Keep a civil tongue in your head, Bowers, or you'll be out of a job.
- Miss Bowers: What do I care? This town is filled with rich old widows willing to pay for a little groveling and a body massage. You go ahead and fire me.
- Col. Johnny Race: Oh, I haven't clapped eyes on you since, oh, that strange affair of the decapitated clergyman.
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