- Marisa Valdez: Hey, I know you. You're the guy that held up the gas station last night... excuse me!
- Carlos: I'm innocent, in case you're interested.
- Marisa Valdez: And I'm Jackie Onassis; drop by the yacht sometime!
- Principal: [when Marisa is sitting in his office following the schoolyard incident] Miss Valdez, we can't go on meeting like this. This is the third time in the month you've been hauled in here, not counting that little stunt with the saran wrap over the toilet bowls.
- Teacher: [notices Marisa is shaving a piece of wood with a jackknife in the schoolyard] Young lady, I suppose you know it's forbidden to have a knife on campus. Maybe you'd like me to hold it for you until after school.
- Marisa Valdez: No, thanks.
- Teacher: Maybe I better restate that. I'll take the knife away.
- Marisa Valdez: Don't count on it.
- Teacher: [the teacher firmly grabs Marisa's arm, snatches it from her hand, and observes it] It's a nice knife. Where'd you steal it?
- Marisa Valdez: You better give that back to me.
- Teacher: Oh, a wildcat, huh?
- [starts to walk away]
- Teacher: Oh, don't worry. I'll leave it in the principal's office. You can pick it up there, if you still want it.
- [as we walks away, Marisa jumps him and starts beating him up, much to the delight of the other kids]
- Dr. Wilson: Excuse me, can you direct me to the Ironhold Research Institute for Reproductive and Nonprocreative Function?
- Head Nurse: Oh? You mean the sex clinic. Through there and to your left.
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