Mary Steenburgen: Adrian

A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy

Adrian

Andrew: You, I have to take to a hypnotist.
Adrian: Why?
Andrew: Why? So we can start making love again. Of course, you'd be in trance. But, that's okay!
Adrian: That's a horrible thing to say.

Leopold: So, you're an inventor, hey?
Andrew: Crackpot inventor...
Adrian: Andrew's invented a wedding present for you and Ariel. Tell 'em about that.
Andrew: It's a silly apparatus that takes the bones out of fish, and if you prefer, although there's no point to it, it puts bones in fish.

Andrew: Oh, Adrian, I'm still spinning. That was - that was a deeply religious experience on that tabletop.
Adrian: Oh, you - it's only the beginning, you know. You wait till everyone's gone. I'll show you what Dulcy calls the Mexican Cartwheel.
Andrew: Really? That sounds incredibly filthy.
Adrian: It is!
Andrew: Is it? Good, I can't wait.
Adrian: So, can you forgive me?
Andrew: Forgive you? I can ordain you this evening. You've cleared my sinuses for the summer.

Adrian: You know, Maxwell, I don't know where he comes up with some of these women.
Andrew: Well, you know, Maxwell, he's a doctor; so, these poor women are in the tubercular ward, they show him gratitude.
Adrian: Yeah, well, don't think I don't notice you - you leering at his buxom little weekend guests.
Andrew: I leer! I admit it! I look. I leer. I salivate. I salivated the day that I met you!

Adrian: She's very free-thinking and forward, isn't she?
Andrew: Who? Ariel Weymouth?
Adrian: No, Dulcy. She seems to give off animal vibrations.
Andrew: No, she's a nurse, you know.
Adrian: Well, not every nurse is sexy.
Andrew: But, they're very knowledgable about the body. You know, they know exactly how all the organs function; so, they're wonderful.
Adrian: Maybe I should ask for lessons?
Andrew: [enthusiastically] You know, I bet she'd be willing to answer any questions you might have.
Adrian: I was just joking. You think I need lessons?

Dulcy: It's like swimming. It's a measured stroke. And remember, here's the key: when the sperm count is low, they won't listen to reason. But, when the sperm count is high, they'll do anything you want.
Adrian: It sounds awfully clinical.
Dulcy: Well, we're just going over some basics. But, if you love the guy, it should all come together with a certain sense of danger and excitement. You shouldn't just limit yourself to the bedroom. It should be full of surprise and spontaneity. It shouldn't be routine.

Adrian: Where will you settle after you marry?
Leopold: I've taken a townhouse near the University. I can't wait for Ariel to meet the professors and their wives. Already I'm the envy of entire faculty. You'll adore Professor Eddy and his wife. They're a very entertaining couple with a kind of a theme to their marriage. You see, he specializes in Dr. Johnson and she teaches Boswell. So, they're an entertaining, amusing couple and I look forward to many wonderful chats.
Adrian: Well, to wonderful chats and Boswell and Johnson and Leopold and Ariel and this summer night and you two, of course...
Dulcy: And Maxwell.
Adrian: And to Dr. Maxwell Jordan.
Andrew: Doctor of high jinks!
Leopold: Of course, to Adrian and Andrew.

Adrian: It was a perfect moon lite summer night. He put his hands on my breasts and my blood just started to boil and afterwards I've never been able to rid myself of the guilt.
Andrew: But, you enjoyed it?
Adrian: Oh, yeah, definitely! It was hot!