Mark Herrier: Billy

Porky's

Billy

Billy: Cherry, this is Pee Wee.
Cherry Forever: I'll say. What do you use for a jockstrap, kid? A peanut shell and a rubber band?
[laughter from the other guys]
Cherry Forever: [to Billy] You know we'd better tie a board across his ass, or he's liable to fall in.
[more laughter in background]
Cherry Forever: [to Pee Wee] Save your energy, needle dick. You're gonna need it.
Pee Wee Morris: [giggling] OK.

Tommy Turner: Jesus Christ! It's the mother lode.
Billy: I never seen so much wool. You could knit a sweater.
Tommy Turner: This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida.

Billy: [trying to warn Pee Wee about Cherry Forever] She's married to some big black stud and he's gonna cut your pecker off.
Tommy Turner: Yeah, I hear he's packing tweezers.

[the gang are at the Deadbeats drive-in restaurant getting their food and drinks]
Billy: The worst thing is you guys are out a hundred bucks.
Tommy Turner: This is just the kind of thing you write off.
Pee Wee Morris: [hands Tommy the receipt] Here you go.
Tommy Turner: Again?
Pee Wee Morris: I got it last time.
Tommy Turner: [pays the waitress] Great. Mick, I'm telling ya, they're bad mothers.
Mickey: I'm going back to get that pig.
Meat: Yeah right, Mick.
Mickey: [throws his hamburger in a fit] Yeah, Meat!

Billy: All right. Now remember, any sign of guns and we're gone, okay?
[Porky, with a couple of bouncers, storms out the strip joint holding a bat]
Pee Wee Morris: Yo, Billy.
Porky: Where are these five little virgins who think they reached manhood? You wanna tangle ass with me? Come up here, you sawed-off punk! I'll educate ya! I'll wrap this right around your damn neck! Come on, move it!
Billy: [taunts Porky] Boy, boy, Porky. You know, we're really scared. I guess we better go now.
Porky: You better be. Go on, get your ass on home!
Billy: I hope shit floats!
Porky: You'll float if I ever catch you around here again, you little shit!

[Porky, his bouncers, the bartender, and one of his strippers are chatting amongst themselves; Billy enters the bar]
Billy: [yells] Soo-ee! Soo! Soo-soo-soo-ee!
Bartender: What the hell is that?
Billy: I wanna see Porky.
Bartender: Who wants to see Porky?
Billy: Tell him the boys from Angel Beach are here. Tell him to bring the best he's got and meet us in the parking lot. Now!
[Porky and the gang laughs as Billy leaves the bar]
Bartender: Do you believe that? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
[sing-songy]
Bartender: Oh, Porky! The boys from Angel Beach are here!

Tommy Turner: [in a high-pitched falsetto voice] Hi! I'm Paulie the Penis, and I just love to have fun! Ha Ha Ha.
Billy: [growling Balbricker sees Tommy's sexual organ] Hold still, man! She's comin' for it!
Billy: [growling Balbricker begins coming forward] She's almost got it...
Billy: [Miss Balbricker gets closer] She's almost got it...
Billy: [Miss Balbricker grabs the end off Tommy's organ and pulls hard, slamming Tommy against the other side of the wall] SHE'S GOT IT!
Billy: [Billy and Pee-Wee make their escape] This broad is *really* hot!
Pee Wee Morris: Hang in there, buddy!
Pee Wee Morris: [to Billy as they emerge into the outside] Hey, do you think this means Tommy and Miss Balbricker are engaged?

Tommy Turner: [to the rest of the guys at Cherry Forever's house] Okay, Cherry's ready. Everyone get their clothes off.
Tim: Wait. What's this bullshit?
Billy: She's got to make sure everybody clean. No VD.
Steve: How's she going to tell that by looking at us?
Tommy Turner: She's done this so many times, she's practically a doctor.
Tim: Yeah, and who's going to inspect her?
[murmurs of agreement from the rest of the guys]
Billy: Look, you guys want to get laid or have a debate?
Pee Wee Morris: Okay, I'm ready!
[they turn to see Pee-Wee wasted no time stripping down, then laughter of all kinds go through the crowd, which Pee-Wee ignores]
Pee Wee Morris: I'm gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.