- Clifford Skridlow: [towards the end of a rant as Doctor Detroit] ... Mom, if you want trouble--I am talking about scorched earth, no survival, whole-sale destruction... body-bags and fire TROUBLE
- [smashes car windshield]
- Clifford Skridlow: --then you just keep comin' on!
- Mom: You don't know what trouble is, jerkoff!
- Clifford Skridlow: Mom, I am going to rip off your head and shit down your neck.
- Clifford Skridlow: Do you have any idea how college faculty members eat? On what we get paid, a free meal is like honey to a bear to these people! They're going to want to eat enough to hibernate on! They're animals!
- Clifford Skridlow: [posing in court as Thelma's brother, upon hearing the bailiff read from the docket] I can't believe my ears! This is an outrage! Let me see that thing. I mean this is outrageous, ridiculous! Let me see that. Why, I demand satisfaction! Get the arrestin' officer in here! I will tar and feather the scalawag!
- Clifford Skridlow: [Getting ready to turn into The Doctor, paraphrasing the Prologue to Henry V] From inside the jousters' tents / The sound of the armorers accomplishing the knights / Busy hammers closing rivets up / Give dreadful note of preparation.
- Clifford Skridlow: [waking from a nightmare where his mother becomes a prostitute] NO! No, I will not sell my own mother!
- Margaret Skridlow: [walking in on him] Of course you wouldn't, dear. But it's a sweet thought.
- Johnny: I'm gonna kick your ass!
- Clifford Skridlow: [as Doctor Detroit] I warn you, I'm a chiropractor! I will use my skills negatively!
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