- [last lines]
- Alan: Well it's 4 o'clock on this lovely, peaceful Christmas afternoon and this is Dickie Bird here being a very happy Christmas worm. You know, I got really sentimental after the morning show today, and I thought about poor, old Steve Kelly having to come in here and spend the afternoon away from his lovely wife and happy kids, so bachelor-boy Dickie volunteered and here I am. You know, I must be crackers, mad or crazy, but to tell you the truth, we're having a pretty good time in Metro Sound today. There's definitely a party atmosphere. We've got the food, we've got the goodies and the odd drink or two, so don't you feel too sorry for us. And, anyway, Hilary Sandeman has promised all us Christmas workers an extra four weeks holiday in the Caribbean as a means of compensation, so that can't be at all bad. An awfully nice boss Hilary is. So I hope that you'll stay with us and let us join your party, or if you haven't got a party of your own, you come and join ours. So cheers everybody in this great big, weird and wonderful city of ours. And listen folks, I'm not going to tell you what the time is today, or tell you what the traffic is doing, or tell you what's happening with the weather. Oh no, we're gonna have a day away from all that. I'm just gonna sit back, play you some very nice music, talk my head off, and tell you some of the worst jokes that you're ever likely to repeat. So in the meantime, here's a little bit of music while I tuck in to my Christmas pud. Merry Christmas, everybody, God bless us, everyone.
- Alan: [to his kleptomaniac girlfriend] If you've got to steal things, then at least be practical! We needed onions! We did not need more Christmas lights!
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