User reviews

Lina Romay and her motley crew of female agents are hiding microfilm up their asses for reasons I didn't get (my Spanish is not so hot). The first minutes of extreme closeups of anuses through a magnifying glass really sets the tone for this disgusting hardcore effort, which was directed by Lina herself with some noticeable help from Franco. Roughly 80% of the movie consists of failed, slightly awkward hardcore scenes between the three female agents and two male spies (one of them having serious problems holding an erection). There's also some slapstick humor of the lowest kind to spice up the dull hardcore action, like Antonio Mayans silly gay agent or the communist spy who chants political slogans while 'making love'... real classy stuff, recommended to idiots, lovers of unerotic porno and francophiles in the last stages of the disease (same category?).

Crack for Two, A (1984)

** (out of 4)

Yet another hardcore film co-directed by Jess Franco and Lina Romay. As usual with a Franco hardcore picture, this film doesn't go for anything sexual but instead it throws countless sex scenes into a bizarre story. The story centers around a government agent who is following a spy (Romay) who puts some sort of secret chip up women's butts in order to carry out only God knows what. I had to view this film in Spanish without any subtitles so I'm not exactly sure what the chips were being used for but it doesn't appear that there was too much to the story since the majority of the 83-minute running time centers on the sex scenes. For the most part these scenes are poorly shot and you can tell that the director was working on a very low budget. At least this time out Franco was able to cast some better looking women as some of his hardcore films seem to have him digging at the bottom of the barrel. Romay is pretty good in her few scenes in the film, although she only appears at the start and end. If you're wanting to see her in hardcore action then here's another chance as that's all she's really doing. The supporting cast members are interesting at best, although Franco does show up in a few scenes. There's really nothing here that stands out among the other hardcore films Franco was making during this time period but if you must view everything the director has done (like me) this one here is certainly far better than some of the movies he was making around this time.