- Wak: Look, I know I must look weird to you but how do you think you look to me? Listen, I watched four episodes of "Lassie" before I figured out why the little hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he rolled over, sure, he did that fine but, I don't think he deserved a series for that.
- Heinlein the Mouse: [pressing buttons] I would like... cheese... go... to... hell...
- Ben Crandall: [to Steve Jackson, a school bully] Elephantitis is when something gets bloated and ugly like your ASS.
- Wolfgang Müller: It's asking for coordinates on x-, y- and z-axes to locate a point in space relative to its terminal. How did you dream this?
- Ben Crandall: [stuttering, astounded at the violent film footage] But thi - see, this isn't real! A-a-and we don't really kill people! Well, we do, b-but n-not aliens, 'cause we haven't met any!
- Ben Crandall: He's about to say something.
- Wak: [in Bugs Bunny's voice] Ehhhhhhhhhhh, what's up doc?
- Ben Crandall: [long pause] What?
- Darren Woods: [about "beings" on other planets] Maybe it's a bunch of Amazon rainforest women that wanna breed a new race.
- Wolfgang Müller: You pervert.
- Ben Crandall: I've waited all my life to say this.
- Darren Woods: Be my guest.
- Ben Crandall: We come in peace.
- Ben Crandall: Mom.
- Mrs. Crandall: Yeah.
- Ben Crandall: Remember that stuff you were tellin' me about your dreams and doin' what you want to do. Well, if I really want to be an astronaut and go out in space - and really do that, it'd be ok, right?
- Mrs. Crandall: Sure honey, if that's what you really want to do.
- Ben Crandall: Ok.
- Mrs. Crandall: [hugs him] Sleep tight.
- Ben Crandall: Good night.
- [then, after she's left the room]
- Ben Crandall: Bye, Mom.
- [watching the movie "Starkiller"]
- Wolfgang Müller: Explosions in space? It's impossible.
- Ben Crandall: What do you mean? You can hardly see the strings.
- [last lines in the film]
- Ben Crandall: If this is all a dream, what's gonna happen when we wake up?
- Wolfgang Müller: I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.
- Neek: We'll always have Paris...
- Wak and Neek's Father: PARIS?
- [launches into angry, unintelligible diatribe]
- [Darren has pacified a guard dog by giving him chewing gum]
- Ben Crandall: Gum? He likes gum?
- Darren Woods: Don't you?
- [last lines]
- Wak: A guy goes to a psychiatrist, has a complete examination. Afterwards the shrink says, "Well, I've examined you thoroughly. I've come to my conclusion. I think you're crazy!" And the guy says, "Well, I want a second opinion." And the shrink says, "All right. I think you're ugly too."
- Wak: Kids. Kids all over the world, they only understand one thing...
- [launches into Little Richard's "All Around the World"]
- Wak: OK, now, I'd like a little assistance from the audience. If someone would like to come up and help me. Anyone?
- [points to Ben]
- Wak: You, son. Yes. Great. Could you come on-stage for just a minute, please?
- [Ben joins him]
- Wak: That's right. Right up here next to me. What's your name, son?
- Ben Crandall: Ben.
- Wak: Ben! Ben. Where you from?
- Ben Crandall: Earth.
- Wak: Earth. Anybody here from Earth?
- [Wolfgang and Darren raise their hands]
- Wak: Earth, see? You got all friends here today. Ben, I'd like you to do me a little favor, if you will. Would you do that?
- Ben Crandall: Sure.
- Wak: I'd like to improve my reception, so would you raise my antenna for me?
- [Ben starts to grab at the antenna on top of Wak's head before he pulls back quickly]
- Wak: Not that one, Ben! Not that one, thank you.
- [Ben reaches back around to the antenna coming out of Wak's backpack]
- Ben Crandall: These?
- Wak: Yeah, that's right.
- [as Ben is adjusting]
- Wak: All right, move it a little to the right and out a little further. Feels good. Better, Ben.
- [Ben raises them into position]
- Wak: OK, that's pretty good. Oh, great. Thank you very much.
- [in the voice of W.C. Fields]
- Wak: Well, get away, son. You bother me.
- Wak: [1:29:45] Look, I watched 4 episodes of Lassie before I figured out why the little hairy kid never spoke! Sure he rolled over, he did that fine but I didn't think he deserved a series for that!
- Wolfgang Müller: [46:01] Explosions in space? That's impossible
- Ben Crandall: What do you mean? You can hardly see the strings!
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