- Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.
- Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?
- Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.
- [in Germany, Clark peers down at a village in the hills and tears come to his eyes]
- Clark Griswold: There it is, kids. My motherland.
- Rusty Griswold: Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.
- Clark Griswold: Shut up, Russ.
- [In England]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're driving on the wrong side of the road!
- Clark Griswold: I realize that honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car.
- Hotel Manager: [Speaking very quickly in a heavy English accent] No, no. You're scuppered, mate. It's all gone reels and cotton. This place is full of macaroons. Of course I could get on the dog and bone and call my friend, Jim the Spiv down White Chapel way.
- [Clark is unable to understand what the Hotel Manager is saying, so he begins using a handheld translation device]
- Rusty Griswold: Dad, he's speaking English.
- Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': What are the pyramidal tracks?
- Clark Griswold: [thinking] ... Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracks are housing development outside of Cairo.
- Stewardess: Do you want something to drink?
- Clark Griswold: [to Ellen] Honey, you want something?
- Ellen Griswold: No thank you.
- Clark Griswold: [to the Stewardess] I'll have a Coke.
- Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?
- Clark Griswold: [Clark turns and looks at the bathroom, then turns back at the Stewardess] No, I'll have it right here.
- Rusty Griswold: [watching the romantic couple make out at the table] Dad he's grabbing her tits right there at the table!
- Clark Griswold: Just eat your breakfast, Russ.
- Rusty Griswold: [Rusty still watching the couple] ... Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.
- Clark Griswold: He's not gonna pork her, Russ.
- Rusty Griswold: I think he's gonna.
- Clark Griswold: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.
- Rusty Griswold: [after Audrey collapses on a French museums steps] Great, are you happy now Dad? She's dead!
- Clark Griswold: [in Clark's dream, in the Alps, twirling and singing] The hills are alive, With the sound of Griswalds, This shit's been around for a very long time, I'm feeling so high, I just can't stand it, It's as if I've been here for at least a week...
- Clark Griswold: [Clark is driving around Lambeth Bridge Roundabout in London, England, and is unable to turn to the left] Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament... again.
- [In England, Rusty sees a young man with a punk Mohawk haircut]
- Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's it! That's the way I want my haircut, Dad!
- Clark Griswold: Rusty, you don't want to look like a rooster do you?
- Claudia: Those bells haven't rung in years.
- Rusty Griswold: What do they mean?
- Claudia: They're going to hang someone!
- Rusty Griswold: [thinks for a moment, then] DAD!
- [From the dinner scene with Helga and Fritz. This line was not Translated and Subtitled]
- Fritz Spritz: Isn't that Herman's children?
- Helga Spritz: Herman never had kids.
- Rusty Griswold: [comes in the room while Clark is brushing his teeth in a bowl] ... Hey, Dad, look. Bed pans!
- Ellen Griswold: [dead silence as no-one is answering the final question] ... Clark!
- Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': That's it. Clark... of Lewis and Clark. And the Griswold's are our grand prize winners!
- Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?
- Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.
- Ellen Griswold: Look back there!
- Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's just a hooker. They're all over the place.
- Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with!
- [Clark looks back, and sees that Rusty is with the hooker]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?
- Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.
- Ellen Griswold: [In their hotel room in England, Ellen opens a door, only to find a closet, and discovering there is no bathroom] Clark, there's no bathroom.
- Clark Griswold: Of course there's a bathroom. Europeans go to the bathroom, don't they?
- [Clark opens the door to his left to find another closet with a mattress inside]
- Clark Griswold: Maybe they don't.
- Jack: [Audrey is reading Jack's letter] Dear Audrey, I miss the shit out of you. Luckily, Debbie is been coming by to cheer me up.
- Audrey Griswold: That bitch!
- Ellen Griswold: Something that matter, Audrey?
- Audrey Griswold: No.
- Clark Griswold: Ah, Gay Paris. The City of Lights. This is the famous Left Bank, kids. Russ, I bet you can't guess what's on the other side.
- Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.
- [Rusty and his California Girl join the rest of the family as they chase Ellen's kidnapper]
- Clark Griswold: Get in.
- Rusty Griswold: What Happened?
- Audrey Griswold: Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.
- [Somewhere Germany, Clark is looking for their relatives house]
- Clark Griswold: What are we looking for?
- Audrey Griswold: Sechs, Daddy.
- Clark Griswold: That'll do, Audrey.
- Rusty Griswold: Dad, it's German for six.
- Ellen Griswold: I felt like staying in. I thought it would be really nice to be alone.
- Clark Griswold: Honey, I could never go anywhere without you.
- Rusty Griswold: [Rusty makes out with a German woman who takes off her shirt in front of Rusty] Oh Shit!
- Clark Griswold: Uh, guten tag, my family and I are looking for sechs
- [pronounced sex]
- German Man: Schweinhund!
- [slams door]
- Audrey Griswold: Dad, l've made a decision. I can't leave Jack, and besides, the food in Europe is fattening.
- Jack: Yeah, and I like her thin. She eats too much.
- Clark Griswold: Alright, now, everybody, let's listen up here. Let's take a look at the map, go over our schedule here. Okay? Now, the plane is gonna fly us from Chicago to London.
- Rusty Griswold: That's Madrid, Dad.
- Clark Griswold: I think you're right, Russ. This must be one of those old medieval maps.
- Audrey Griswold: Before we met, my life was horrible and meaningless. Wasn't yours?
- Jack: Yeah, sort of.
- Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': Froegers, since you're the challengers, *you* get to pick first category.
- Mrs. Froeger: The one about Hungarians. Nobody knows anything about Hungarians.
- Princess Di: [in Ellen's dream] Clark, I do hope we can have the first dance.
- Clark Griswold: Oh, there you go again, Di. Listen. As you well know, the only princess in my life is my wife. She gets the first dance. Sorry.
- Princess Di: No, Clark. Wait.
- Clark Griswold: Sorry.
- Princess Di: Wait. Clark... .
- Clark Griswold: [with his VHS Video Camera] I'm ready, honey. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay.
- Ellen Griswold: [opens the shower curtain wearing only a towel, singing and dancing] The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of distinction, A real big spender, Good-looking, So refined, Wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind? So let me get right to the point, I don't pop my cork for every guy I see, Hey, big spender, Ba-ba ba-ba, Spend a little time with me...
- Clark Griswold: We're visiting my relatives in Germany.
- Rusty Griswold: Not if we don't vote for it.
- Clark Griswold: You'll vote for it, Russ.
- Rusty Griswold: Why should l?
- Clark Griswold: Because I just raised your allowance, that's why.
- Rusty Griswold: I think I'm gonna like this democracy stuff.
- Clark Griswold: [in the dark, in the wrong hotel room bed] Ellen? When did you stop shaving your legs, honey?
- Clark Griswold: Here it is, kids. Our English transportation. Now we're gonna have some fun.
- [jumps into the car]
- Clark Griswold: Where's the wheel?
- Rusty Griswold: Other side, Dad.
- Rusty Griswold: Audrey, I think we better call the front desk. Something's wrong with this thing. We've only got four channels and no MTV!
- Ellen Griswold: Oh, now, Audrey. Your father didn't really mean what he said.
- Audrey Griswold: Yes, he did.
- Ellen Griswold: No, no. Not really, honey. He has nothing against Jack. He's not really gonna cut off his balls. Are you, Clark?
- [Clark remains silent]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark!
- Clark Griswold: Okay, I won't.
- Audrey Griswold: [at Stonehenge] This must be where they sacrificed virgins.
- [sits on one of the Stones]
- Audrey Griswold: God, I miss Jack.