Joel Grey credited as playing...
Chiun
- Remo Williams: How old are you? I mean really, you are old, now aren't you?
- Chiun: For an apricot, yes. For a head of lettuce, even more so. For a mountain, I have not even begun in years. For a man, I am just right.
- Remo Williams: You know, Chiun, you're a real pain in the ass.
- Chiun: That is because it is the shortest route to your brain!
- Chiun: Women should stay home and make babies. Preferably, manchild.
- Major Rayner Fleming: [to Remo] I see you both went to the same charm school.
- Chiun: It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it. Why must everything in this country be coated with monositi-... monosoti...
- Remo Williams: Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.
- Chiun: I can say "rat droppings." That does not mean I want to eat them.
- Remo Williams: [57:55] You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.
- Chiun: Of course. I am Chiun.
- Remo Williams: And there are times when I could really kill you.
- Chiun: Good! We will practice that after dinner.
- [Remo dangles from a car on the Wonder Wheel]
- Remo Williams: Jesus!
- Chiun: Concentrate! This is NO time for prayer!
- Chiun: The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.
- Chiun: You did not ask to be white. So perhaps that is not your fault. You did not ask to be here. Perhaps that is not your fault, either.
- Chiun: Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you.
- Remo Williams: [Remo hears Chiun singing a song in Korean] Is it painful?
- Chiun: I was singing an old Korean love song.
- Remo Williams: It's a wonder the race isn't extinct.
- Remo Williams: I've got a job to do.
- Chiun: Remo!
- [whispers in Remo's ear]
- Chiun: Do not embarrass us.
- Remo Williams: I won't... Little Father.
- Conn MacCleary: [referring to Remo] Well, Chiun? What do you think?
- Chiun: He's very slow. His reflexes are pitiful; poorly coordinated. He's in wretched physical condition, impetuous, and clumsy. He moves like a baboon with two club feet! However, there is a feeble glint of promise in his eyes. I think I can do something with him.
- Conn MacCleary: Good.
- Chiun: [Standing on Remo's stomach] Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.