Blythe Danner credited as playing...
Joan Barlow Maple
- Richard Maple: Surely a suburban man has a right to dance with his mistress in his own home.
- Joan Barlow Maple: [pause] Marlene isn't your mistress. She's your Red Herring.
- Richard Maple: My what?
- Joan Barlow Maple: Your Red Herring. The properly equipped suburban man, as you call him, has a wife, a mistress, and a Red Herring. His Red Herring is the woman was maybe was his mistress once or may become one in the future, but they aren't sleeping now. You can always tell because they act as if they are.
- Richard Maple: Wow! That's decadent, sweetie. What's been happening to that pure, unsullied mind of yours lately?
- Richard Maple: What are you thinking?
- Joan Barlow Maple: I'm thinking I asked you not to talk. And now you've said things I'll always remember.
- Richard Maple: What's that you said earlier about my wanting you to be more interesting than you are? Do you really think that?
- Joan Barlow Maple: Of course. I think you left Jack and me alone deliberately last night.
- Richard Maple: Could I be so perverse?
- Joan Barlow Maple: You're kidding.
- Richard Maple: I don't think you need a lover to be more interesting. I think your pretty interesting anyway. Here... and here...
- Joan Barlow Maple: I said JUST a nap.
- Richard Maple: And here...
- Richard Maple: Your lover just called.
- Joan Barlow Maple: What did he say?
- Richard Maple: Nothing. He hung up.
- Richard Maple: In summers past, my during-the-week absence had made your weekend heart grow fonder.
- Joan Barlow Maple: I wasn't feeling well last night, that's all.
- Richard Maple: [pause] Would you say that sex is the only sore point in our marriage?
- Joan Barlow Maple: Mmm. Yes.
- Richard Maple: Shouldn't we do something about it?
- Joan Barlow Maple: Like what?
- Richard Maple: Maybe we should give it up.
- Joan Barlow Maple: [pause] I've never heard that as a solution.
- Joan Barlow Maple: Want one for the road?
- Richard Maple: One what?
- Joan Barlow Maple: I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered.
- Richard Maple: You can decide later.
- Margaret 'Bean' Maple - age 8: What's Daddy eating?
- Joan Barlow Maple: Your Daddy has bought himself a cabbage!