Ian Holm credited as playing...
Napoleon
- Napoleon: Don't stand so close to me, Neguy! I've told you about that before. You on one side and him on the other - it's like being on the bottom of a bloody well!
- Napoleon: [to the Bandits] You are the best thing to happen to me since this whole campaign. You know I come here to conquor Italy, because I thought they were all small. You know, I hear they was really tiny guys...
- Neguy: Sir, I really think there are more important thing...
- Napoleon: SHUT UP! Don't you dare to tell me my business. You are dismissed, you hear? You, Lucien, the rest of you. Great streaks of misery.
- Lucien: But, Sir...
- Napoleon: NO! I'm going to have some new generals for a bit.
- Napoleon: Encore! Encore!
- Theatre Manager: Thank you. Thank you very much. Uh, I wonder if you would like to see some of our... Other items. We have Zuzu and Benny!
- [Curtain rises]
- Theatre Manager: Fun on a unicycle.
- [Napoleon looks displeased]
- Theatre Manager: No? Uh, how about, uh, The Great Rambozo! He sing and lift heavy things.
- [Napoleon still looks displeased]
- Theatre Manager: No? Uh, how about, uh... Ah, this I think you'll like. Very funny. The Three Idiots! From Latvia. Very funny act. They swallow brushes.
- Napoleon: Alexander the Great, five feet eight exactly. Isn't that incredible! I mean, Alexander the Great, who's empire stretched from India to Hungary, one inch shorter than me. Oliver Cromwell, the only man with any guts in British history, wasn't a big man at all. Louis XIV, five foot two and a half. Charlamagne, dopey little five footer! He's a good little chum. Attila the Hun, five foot one half. Cyrano de Bergerac, five foot three half. Tamburlaine the Great, four foot nine - and three-quarters.