User reviews

Whoopi Goldberg's out of work actress spends the nights in her small apartment talking on the telephone to anyone who'll listen, her lifeline to the world and if not on the phone, entertaining the house guests; an owl and pet goldfish. That sums it up, really, that's it.

"THE TELEPHONE" directed by Rip Torn is executed like a stage-play, relying on Goldberg's presence; eccentric comic ability, interactions with her pets (foot bathing with a goldfish) and minor exchanges with a couple of actors (Severn Darden, Elliott Gould & John Heard). It's so random, almost improvised that you don't know where it's heading. You can say it's ambitious, even alienating. Once it hits the apartment, we can hear what's happening outside (traffic, voices, music), but that's where the camera stays, as we watch Goldberg ramble on until the cows come home. From trivial normality issues, venting or making low-brow jokes on the telephone, deciphering messages on the answering machine to stand-up comedy routines of impersonating nationalities, changing personas, watching footage of her standup comedy and even loudly acting out more than one person at the same time to annoy her complaining neighbors. Zany comic monologues after monologues after monologues, it's like watching someone bored out of their mind. Sex gags, toilet humour and stereotypical race jokes, but without an ounce of wit.

The one-idea concept while offbeat grows tiresome and at times crude. I didn't find it all that humorous, just bemused by it all. You don't learn that much about her character, head space wise, until she's around people in separate cameos of Darden, Gould (along with Amy Wright) and especially Heard. Her scenes at the end with Heard's telephone man is the poignant hook, as it can be both funny and sad, jarringly so, in what we learn of her obsession with the telephone.

Flicking the TV, I caught this film somewhere near its beginning. Having no idea of what it was or what it was supposed to be, I got strangely caught up in it. It's not great, but it is unusual... and that's saying something nowadays. I see here at the IMDb that most people don't like it. Hate it even. However, to get a better idea of how good or bad other people think it is, I suppose I would have to screen out those people who would hate ANY film that consisted of essentially only one person talking. It would probably be appreciated better by those people who like live theater; it has that quality to it. Still, it's not great and I don't think I would find it worth the money and effort to go out somewhere to see it. But on TV or as a rental it's worth seeing, interesting enough in its own odd way. I'm glad I caught it.

Little-seen comedy is out-of-order. Whoopi Goldberg-addicts were still around in 1988, despite the star's penchant for playing in dumb action-comedies that tarnished her overall appeal. Still, even hardcore fans would be hard-pressed to sit through this misfire, a troubled production that Whoopi tried unsuccessfully from getting released. She plays Vashti Blue--a terrific character name--an actress with a pet owl (!) who spends much of her time arguing on the phone. Vashti is neurotic, but not funny; Goldberg was encouraged to improvise dialogue by the suits at New World Pictures to bring some of her sassy stand-up act to the picture, much to the displeasure of Rip Torn, who directed. Torn was apparently in over his head--and seems to be a mismatch with Goldberg's fast-patter urban style. The screenplay (by Harry Nilsson and Terry Southern, of all people) doesn't offer us anything but a harangue, and Whoopi's star-presence fails to give it an edge. Shapeless and static. Goldberg had veteran cinematographer John A. Alonzo fired during production, replacing him with her husband, David Claessen. She also says her cocaine addiction was a factor in the film not working, but that "potheads absolutely love it."

Well, this film finished off that sentence. This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Seriously and with no exaggeration. It is just awful. The entire movie is about Whoopi Goldberg's character talking on the phone. It's one of those movies where it starts out bad and you keep watching it saying "It's got to get better sometime, right?" Nope. Imagine talking to a monotone-voiced salesperson on the telephone for 90 minutes....that would be better than watching this film again.

If you want a better combination of Ms. Goldberg and a telephone, check out "Jumpin' Jack Flash," a very funny, if a little silly, comedy.

Or, if you want the second most awful movie ever, give "The Truth About Charlie" a look. The entire cast and crew should be forced to place formal apologies on Audrey Hepburn's and Cary Grant's graves.

In my best Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons voice. "Worst Movie Ever!" I'm serious. It's a complete waste of time. I saw it when I was a pre-teen and to this day (I'm 26 now), I still use this movie as my reference for horrible movies. I read other reviews on here where people claim that the movies saving grace is Whoopi's acting. I disagree. This movie has no saving grace. It is a complete waste of time, money, thought processes, eyeballs, ears, you name it.... Generally speaking, I try not to be a negative person. But there really is nothing positive to say about this one. If anyone ever suggests watching this movie with them, then run away as fast and as far as you can. They are attempting to bore you to death!

Love it or hate it, it's impossible to remain neutral about this movie. It's kind of like watching a train wreck-tough to look at, but equally tough to tear yourself away from. One thing its detractors point out is that the story is just not movie material, and they do have a point. This piece would play far better as a stage play or on TV, but it is totally unworkable on the big screen. Whoopi is one of the greatest talents of our generation but even she can't make this premise work. Since it more or less all takes place on one set, it does become claustrophobic. Still it does have its moments- Vashti Blue is definitely one sick puppy but she's still fascinating. This part is an actor's dream. And in lesser hands than Whoopi's this could have been a total disaster. It would have been easy to turn the whole part into a grotesque caricature but Whoopi, pro that she is sidesteps that. She makes the character oddly appealing. A definite wack-job, yes but also a very touching one. You definitely feel what this woman is going through, and almost wish you could help. And that ending? Whoa. I definitely did NOT see it coming, and afterwards I felt like I'd swallowed an ice-cream cone whole. I won't give it away, but suffice to say it's VERY disturbing. Personal taste will have to dictate its level of success.

This has easily got to be one of the worst movies of the 1980's, and most likely a personal foible for Whoopi Goldberg to have her name associated with this extremely unfunny film where she plays a woman who literally spends the whole two hours of the film talking on a telephone about nothing in particular.

Honestly, Whoopi should have known better than to star in this garbage, which is a real shame because she had proven herself to be quite a commendable actress in the 1985 drama "THE COLOR PURPLE" and to a lesser-degree, the comedies "JUMPIN' JACK FLASH" and "THE BURGLAR".

One slightly amusing scene at the beginning of the film has Whoopi trying to get her hands on a goldfish that ends up in the bathtub... after that, this movie travels downhill at an almost 'out of this world' speed.

There really is no plot to this movie, the title itself says it all. "THE TELEPHONE" is basically about a telephone... and Whoopi Goldberg. She spends the entire duration of the film talking to various people about nothing in particular, mostly hearsay conversations and trite problems she thinks she needs to attend to - nothing that the audience will find any slight bit of interest in.

For the 96 excruciating minutes that "THE TELEPHONE" runs for, you will find yourself wanting to do something else than to sit there and watch this travesty.

A scene that was probably left on the cutting room floor would be the scene where Whoopi is angrily yelling at her agent for suggesting that she star in this garbage.

Whoopi - keep this one off your resume'.

MY GRADE - 0/10

Director Rip Torn must have been under the delusion he was making an interesting experimental film like COMING APART which he starred in 20 years earlier. Wrong-o, buddy boy! Watching Whoopi Goldberg spout inane dialogue for 90 minutes is not my idea of great entertainment. Shot like a one-act play this film will try anybody's patience for failed cinematic flotsam. This film reminded me of a better film shot in a similar style, Chuck Vincent's DERANGED. Watch that one instead, if you can find it.

The film has all the humor, wit and charm of Whoopi Goldberg's, multi-character, one-person shows with a more cohesive aspect defined by a single, central character. Notice the "hats-off" to Richard Pryor and a final plot twist that shocks and tugs heart strings simultaneously. This one might cruise right over your head. Watch it more than once.

This was, in a few words, the worst movie I've ever seen. Strangely, there's one funny scene at the start of the movie involving a fish. The rest of the movie consists of Whoopie talking unintelligible jive into a telephone, with the camera centered on her face. I didn't get it.

It's literally minutes upon minutes upon minutes of Whoopi being a foolish and horribly stereotypically racist in her apartment, playing an actor who couldn't land a role even if she paid the studio's budget four times over. Love Whoopi. She should never have done this movie. What an embarrassment.

I saw this movie on TV the first time, but got in about 15 min. into it so naturally I started hunting for it on video. I finally found it and have been watching it many times. Whoopie Goldberg gives a heartwarming/-breaking performance as VashiBlue, whose main contact with the surrounding world is her telephone and her answering machine. She is obviously a lonely person, living with an owl and a goldfish, but does get company once in a while and loves to argue with the neighbour, who constantly complains about her and threatens to contact immigrations to have her kicked out. The ending comes as a total surprise and I couldn't help crying after I saw it in full the first time. I still do, if it's been a while since I saw it last. Definitely a movie to see and I hope it will be released on DVD soon, region 2, since I live in Denmark.

I saw this movie by accident once and i was stunned...One woman holds an entire movie creating you -the viewers- the feeling of communication...Whoopi relies on her talent to make you laugh...(Watch the scene while she is a chinese chef)..sometimes a bit more than she should.Nevertheless,it's ending gives you a "sixth sense" feeling.(Meaning an element turns upside down all that you think till now). A true original that gives a real challenge to any actor.

I rented this movie from a small video rental store in Los Angeles, and found it to be hilarious. I've been looking for it ever since and I have not been able to find it. This little known early work of Whoopi G shows you want we had in store. Her comedic timing is splendid. SEE IT IF YOU CAN FIND IT... and then let me know! I want a copy!

Whoopi... you go girl!

Every time I see or hear of Whoopi I think of this movie I saw many many moons ago. I remember being hooked in my seat trying to figure out what was happening and waiting for someone else to appear in it. To no avail but I was stuck on my couch till the end. I think this movie demonstrates Whoopi Goldbergs unique talent I mean who else could make this kind of movie actually work as she did. Whoopi is indeed a wonderful actress and I think very few would be able to carry off a movie like this, like it or not, shes just fantastic and what a wonderful ending as she carried it off well. Like it or not, sad or not I just love this great actress in all her movies. I hope its on tele again one day as I cant find it on DVD anywhere and think its worth watching again and a keepsake.

If you think an entire movie about a woman alone in her apartment cant be entertaining,funny,sad and fascinating this movie will prove you wrong. There is even a plot twist or two that will take you by suprise. This movie in itself proves what a stunning talent Whoopie is and shows she's probably even more talented as an actress than as a comedian.