Dom DeLuise credited as playing...
Itchy
- Anne-Marie: Come on, Chawhee! You can do it, it's your birthday!
- Itchy Itchiford: I don't care if it's his... his bar mitzvah. That horse is a gluepot.
- Charlie: Hey guys, waddua ya know, waddua ya say?
- Itchy Itchiford: Yeah, waddua ya say, waddua ya know?
- Charlie: Itchy, what happened to you?
- Itchy Itchiford: You want to know what happened to me? I'll tell you what happened to me. Carface happened to me, with about 50 of his thugs. Oh!
- Charlie: Itch, I'm sorry.
- Itchy Itchiford: Well, look what else happened while you were sidetracked. See that?
- [see a building on fire]
- Itchy Itchiford: That's *our* place! You were going to fix Carface well, well he fixed us! You see boss, this whole thing's gone too far.
- Itchy Itchiford: In him there's the luck of the Irish.
- Charlie: The pride of the German.
- Itchy Itchiford: Even, he-he, a bit of Siam.
- Charlie: Siam? There's the calm of the English.
- Itchy Itchiford: The charm of the Spanish.
- Charlie: A pedigree certainly ain't what I am. So call me a mixed-up pup.
- Itchy Itchiford: You're a mixed-up pup.
- Charlie: But the only way this pup knows is up!
- Charlie: [after Itchy tells him to get ride of Anne-Marie] Aw, Itch, now the casino's gone. We've got to start all over; we need the girl more than ever.
- Itchy Itchiford: No, boss, you're crazy! It's not business anymore, it's personal!
- Charlie: Aw, come on, Itchy. Surely it's just business, I mean...
- Itchy Itchiford: You're in love with the girl! You've got soft, you care about her!
- Charlie: [furiously annoyed] Look, I don't care about the girl! I tell her things now and then! I pretend to be her best friend, but it's baloney!
- Itchy Itchiford: I thought I was your best friend...
- Charlie: [yells] YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! With her, it's just business - it's always been business! I'm USING the girl! And when we're done with her, we'll dump her in an orphanage! Is that okay with you!
- Itchy Itchiford: [chastened] Sure, boss, anything you say.
- [sees Anne-Marie, who overheard everything]
- Itchy Itchiford: Uh-oh...
- Anne-Marie: [crying, goes hurt] You're not my friend... You're a bad dog!
- Charlie: Hey, wait. That looks like a water main.
- Itchy Itchiford: Naw, water mains are green. This is red!
- Charlie: Itchy, you're color blind. You've always been color blind.
- Itchy Itchiford: That's true, but this is green.
- Charlie: Its red.
- Itchy Itchiford: Red?
- [drills into pipe; outside, water bursts out of the ground, and the tunnel floods]
- Itchy Itchiford: Charlie, let me think about this...
- Charlie: No! Don't think! From now on, I'll do the thinking!
- Charlie: [Itchy's dropping ice cream on him] Hey cut it out, would you? What do you see up there?
- Itchy Itchiford: Mostly the backs of the buttons, but other than that...
- Itchy Itchiford: I can't help it, Charlie, I always itch when I'm nervous.
- Charlie: Well don't be nervous!
- Itchy Itchiford: Just scratch this!
- Vera: Things have changed, Charlie, since you've been gone... Life hasn't been no piece of cake.
- Chihuahua Gambler: Carface ain't been treating us too good.
- Vera: Things are tough, but we carry on...
- Gambler Dog: [Charlie wins a game of craps] Could you spare a couple of bones, for old time's sake?
- Charlie: Why settle for a couple of bones when you could have the whole bank?
- [puts the craps bones in a slot machine and breaks the bank]
- Itchy Itchiford: Ya won the jackpot! Charlie, I'm proud of ya.
- Itchy Itchiford: Yah! Someone's got me by the tail!
- Charlie: I got you by the tail!
- Itchy Itchiford: Why don't you tell somebody you're gonna do that?
- Charlie: You know, it's not worth it being with you. It's not.
- Itchy Itchiford: Your hands are cold, too.
- Charlie: All we need now is a couple of bucks.
- Itchy Itchiford: A couple of bucks, a couple of bucks!
- Anne-Marie: A couple, a couple. Mmm, yeah! A mom and dad.
- Charlie: Yeah, sure.
- Charlie: That Carface has something up his sleeve.
- Itchy Itchiford: Yeah, a gun!
- Charlie: And when I find out what it is, I'm going to ruin him.
- Itchy Itchiford: Boss, Carface has got thugs, and they've got muscles, and knives, and he's got a monster.
- Charlie: Monster?
- Itchy Itchiford: Boss, they feed it!
- Charlie: Monster?
- Itchy Itchiford: Yes that's what I said, monster!
- Itchy Itchiford: [thinking Charlie's a ghost] Take my 9 piece ratchet set, my oil tin! Don't go away without my Rolls Royce hood ornament!
- [hits Charlie on the head with it]
- Itchy Itchiford: Please, I've got a bad back! Ah, don't touch!