User reviews

CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER is a late-entry instalment for those purveyors of schlock, Crown International Pictures, and it's an extremely poor film. Sloppily made, written in a hurry, with unbelievable characters and ridiculous situations. However, it's also entertaining in a so-bad-it's-good kind of way, which means that it's much better than the majority of Crown's output.

The plot is some throwback to the old PSYCHO routine with a hidden villain struggling with multiple personality syndrome. Along the way, a number of nubile young women - who end up either undressed or parading around in their underwear - are offed in not particularly gory ways.

CLICK has little that horror or slasher fans won't have seen before, but there are fun performances from the likes of Troy Donahue and in particular Ross Hagen, and it's hard to dislike those cheesy performances. In fact, with Hagen also contributing to the direction and script, it must have been a labour of love for the actor, and it shows.

Take one part "Eyes of Laura Mars" ripoff (photographer shoots models in kinky violent situations, then somebody starts killing the models) plus one part even cheesier "Psycho" imitation (transvestite killer with major mommy issues), add terrible dialogue, enormous 80s teased hair, opening/closing credits with tacky girls-'n'-guns imagery, choppy/sloppy grade-C film-making, and....Well, let's just say this might strike you as one of the stupidest/funniest films ever made, IF you're watching with friends and have had a few drinks. Otherwise, it's campy enough for dedicated bad-movie aficionados but not quite enough to be an outright camp classic. There's no violence, gore or nudity (unless bikinis count) until all ridiculous hell breaks loose in the last half hour, and even then those elements are pretty feeble. But it's all so ineptly sleazy you might not mind.

I got this movie as part of set of eight movies I paid four bucks for, so keep in mind I'm probably going to be overly generous to it (Whatever you do, do not waste more than 50 cents trying to see this). The movie is basically about a deranged transvestite nurse killing bimbo models during a closed fashion shoot in the California desert. But is the nurse connected to the deranged, violence-obsessed photographer who's putting on the shoot? Well, I don't want to ruin it, but it ruins itself pretty well.

The movie starts with a gratuitous nude scene, and for that matter, a completely completely gratuitous appearance by former Playboy Playmate Dona Speir. She completely disappears afterwards though when the action shifts out to the desert. There's plenty of other bimbos to be had, however, including future "Baywatch" babe Traci Dali. I have to wonder about the reviewers who say these girls are "unattractive"--if they happen to be personally dating MORE attractive girls than these, then they're definitely wasting their time reviewing crap movies on the internet. The girls are definitely very sexy both in and out of their skimpy bikinis, but--trust me here--this movie has absolutely NOTHING else going for it. Has-been matinée idol Troy Donahue and never-really-was character actor Ross Hagen are functional at best. The plot is generic and stupid. The visuals are cheap and uninspired. And the music is downright execrable.

This might be worth seeing for fifty cents, but it's definitely not worth a penny more.

Click has got to be one of, if not THE worst movie I have ever seen. You've got to be worried when the opening and closing credits are accompanied by scantily-clad tramps dancing around in the background. This film tells the pathetic story of some stupid killer killing off Calendar models, even though we don't see any of this action until the second half of the film when he stalks a small group of models at closed-set ranch out in the middle of nowhere! I heard from an online acquaintance that many of the actors were pulled from the film by the MPAA or SAG for some odd reason, which may explain why many scenes and characters don't make any sense whatsoever to the story and only appear in limited scenes, particularly the first scenes.

What also got on my nerves was the fact that none of these girls were even attractive enough to be models and not many of their faces ring a bell. The director probably met them on the street, much like a character in the film does, arghh this film is sooo bad, although particular merit goes to Friday the 13th gals Susan Jennifer Sullivan and Juliette Cummins (one of the pulled actors - had a big role) who turn in quite decent performances, especially Susan. The rest of the cast, Troy Donahue in particular, just annoyed me.

Would be the worst movie of all time if people had actually seen it! So if you're REALLY bored, watch.. actually don't watch it.. go rent the Vice Academy series where at least the campiness is entertaining! This is trash.. what the hell were they thinking?? Same applies to me that day in the video store!! (exhale)

Ross Hagen home movie has a deranged transvestite knocking off centrefold models at a photographer's isolated ranch. Next big thing (Sims) is lured to the ranch to advance her career, but her disapproving boyfriend (Cummins) follows her and ends up part of the ensuing madness.

Shot on video, Hagen has spared no expense with his pyrotechnic displays, use of blank ammunition and fake tan, while the stunts are unlimited and the cast attractive and diverse. Troy Donahue has a few pointless scenes as Hagen's pastel-coloured polo shirt wearing assistant, while Hoke Howell has a virtual cameo as a PI investigating the strange disappearances of models. Some audiences might recognise Tracy Dali and Dona Speir from other, eh, publications although their roles are strictly ancillary (Speir has a prominent role in the first two scenes then abruptly disappears without explanation). As for Hagen's performance as the offbeat snapper, he looks professional if tired, but really comes to life in the final act, nursery rhymes and all. A performance not to be missed.

There's a couple of humorous moments where Cummins learns to fight and teaches a male model to ride his motor-cycle, but it's still pretty flimsy with an awful lot of time spent with Sims (vaguely reminiscent of a young Elisabeth Shue) and Cummins arguing, then making up, then arguing again etc etc. The film ambles to 80 minutes which gives you an idea of how much action, or lack thereof, is contained in the movie. No issue with Ross Hagen wanting to show that movie-making is accessible to almost any budget, just wish he had a better concept before he embarked on this glorified home movie.

To "Plan Nine From Outer Space" and "Robot Monster", we can safely add this lot of trash as one of the worst movies ever made. I read the reviews of this movie before I actually watched it. This was so I would be prepared and could compare my thoughts with those of other who have gone before me. Having read others' comments, I wasn't expecting much and I certainly wasn't disappointed. I paid 99 cents for the DVD of this rubbish in a bargain bin sale. Alas, I was ripped off!! Seriously though, this movie is so bad, it's a must see. I haven't been allowed to post this comment because it didn't contain enough lines. So, I'll just say that it's a shocker.

John

I must agree with one of my fellow reviewers that this movie moved me like no other. Ross Hagan (aka Kal) is The Robert DeNiro of B grade films, he is the embodiment of cool, sophistication and raw masculinity. Being an ex nurse, i found Ross' portrayal of a psycho nurse to be very accurate with regards some of the nurses i used to work with. The movie may have been clichéd, but it has the formed basis of many horror/porn film such as Scream, I know what you did last summer urban legend etc, etc... It's a shame that Ross didn't get to work with some of the greats such as Sylvester Stallone and Danny Glover. In closing i hope that some day there will be a sequel - Click, Return of the jackhammer.

This serial killer flick was directed by, written and stars Ross Hagan, a veteran actor of the American b-movie and z-movie. It's about a photographer who likes to shoot sexy swimsuit models in pictures with violent themes. He gathers a crew in a remote desert retreat but soon a killer nurse pitches up and begins murdering everyone one by one.

The title of this one suggests it will be an erotic thriller, which after all was a very popular sub-genre of film in the early 90's. And in fairness, it sort of is but not maybe as much as it should be. It benefits from featuring the very attractive Dona Speir, star of various Andy Sidaris sexploitation efforts. But unfortunately, she disappears after a couple of prominent early scenes. This seemed quite careless as she is always pretty good value in these types of b-movies. Anyway, the action relocates to a ranch and we then have a succession of photo-shoots, melodramas and comic scenes. Eventually the killer turns up and embarks on a murder spree, although for some reason no one ever seems to notice people are being bumped off. Anyway, events eventually spiral into delirious proportions as the killer nurse chases victims around the ranch while creating explosions everywhere in a pyrotechnic finale.

This film hasn't got too good of a reputation clearly. But I sort of thought it was much more entertaining than I expected given its low rating. Sure, it's clunky, silly and utterly predictable - was the killer's identity really meant to be a surprise?! – yet, it has enough pretty girls, slasher violence and general absurdity to ensure its always good fun.

There's no denying the fact that a B movie centered around the model photography industry could be a sleazy and enjoyable time. Unfortunately, this particular effort ends up being pretty much a complete waste of time. There's evidence at the beginning that this was a troubled production, with two people credited as director and six people credited with the screenplay. Whatever happened behind the scenes resulted in this being a very boring movie. The killings don't start until more than half the movie has gone by, and the kills themselves aren't very explicit for the most part. Speaking of explicit, what you might be expecting to see in this movie - sex and nudity - well, there's hardly any of that stuff at all. Also, there's no real story until the killings start - until then, it's just one scene after another that serves no real purpose. The production values are terrible, with soft and murky photography, poorly recorded dialogue, and annoying background noise. Oh, I guess there are a few unintended laughs here and there, and there is an impressive stunt by someone on a motorcycle, but other than that, this movie is a complete waste of time. And a message to the person who, in less than a 24 hour period voted that four of my comments of other awful Crown-International films were not "helpful" - justify your opinion of those awful movies by contacting me, or by posting your own comments!

The Plot.

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer is a thriller that probes the inner sanctum of the mind of a psychotic killer as he uses the world of big fashion photography for his sadistic playground.

This is a world where girls drink right out of the $6 tequila bottle.

For some reason there are a couple reviews that espouse the greatness of this film. They are wrong. It sucks.

There is also a review that says none of the girls are hot. He's wrong too. In fact the girls are the only reason to watch this movie. And that's really not enough.

The movie is pointless. Unless you want to see a night scene in Chinatown about 13 minutes into the movie. I make note of it because absolutely NO ONE is on the street! It's empty. And they are parked at a Mexican restaurant. What kind of stupidity is that?

The movie looks like it was made for a hundred bucks. Avoid!

Actually, on merit, just 1, and then only because there is no 0 option, but I have to relent, there is a very, very pretty dream-girl in here, and, well, I could just look at her, and look at her. And look at her. You get the picture. I have yet to determine who she is, because catching the character's name in this kind of flick is kinda difficult, I don't think she has a name, it is that kinda flick... No, I'm not talking about that Andy Sidaris girl Dona Speir. The little chestnut mare, that fine little filly (first to the slaughter, arghh...)

The Raven doesn't normally watch this kind of thing. Years and years ago, during my VHS days, I saw loads and loads of low quality type flicks brought into this stuck-up country (then, back then, we're talking late Eighties/early Nineties South Africa... believe me, you Yanks, you have no idea how to even spell R E P R E S S I O N) and the kind of stuff that were being let through to video stores were often these "gore and sex" titles in the wake of movies like BASIC INSTINCT, go figure the logic of the up-keepers of moral standards, but okay, to cut a long story short, me and a buddy watched a lot of these junky type things, and he had a great time watching my reaction during slasher movies. Like, that shouldn't be like that, man! I well remember how I despised AEROBICIDE...

Getting to the point, I've been trying to find a movie named NIGHT CLUB, and the only way I could get it on DVD... Ooh, you lot will know. The Dangerous Babes box-set. Featuring eleven other titles I'd never ever even heard of ever. Losers, I guess...

One of them is even a slasher movie. I thought, okay, I'll watch it, but if it offends me, so help me Hollywood, I'm gonna blast it on IMDb and give it a next-to-zero rating.

Turns out it isn't really a kill-em-for-fun slasher in the full sense. It meanders considerably and it takes fifty minutes for the gore to start. By that time, the average slasher fan had long since crawled back into his ghoulish coffin and is fast asleep.

There is considerable disinformation among the reviews posted here. (1) No nudity, only bikinis. Maybe you saw a censored copy, guy. There is plenty of nudity. (2) No natural bodies? Wrong again. That beautiful girl with the reddish brown hair and the delicate, er, upper structure, she is as natural as can be. (3) The girls aren't beautiful. Jeepers, I dedicated the title of this review to that lovely girl who reminds me of Jamie Luner in SAVANNAH, the 1996/7 Aaron Spelling TV series. She is won-der-ful. And she undresses, champagne glass boobsies with perky nippsies, ooh yummy, with bare buttocks too, I'm lucky after all!

But the general consensus that it is a stinker, currently rated on average something like 2,5 out of 10, that is very, very much the way it is, only it shouldn't even be that high. The movie itself is like BIKINI ISLAND, lowly trash saved only by a pretty girl. In this one's case, she gets wasted at around 52 minutes in. The rest is mostly just flotsam. With salvageable bits drifting about. Some leggy scenes too. And, yes, the best bit I've seen of Dona Speir, looking very vulnerable and hiding behind a diaphanous veil, without the armament she usually carries when she's in Uncle Andy's movies.

The gore? Wouldn't satisfy those that way inclined.

I was originally going to give a preach ranting against the slasher type movie, or rather, against the fan of that kind of genre. Suffice to say that I view that kind of thing as the lowest form of low. I mean, stand on a ladder to look a snail in the eyes, that kind of low, if seeing a girl murdered in a bath is your kind of exciting thing.

Other good thing about the movie, the perverted nursery rhymes the killer utters during his insane rantings. I couldn't quite make all of them out, figures! "Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a hail of bullets" and "Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, I'll burn off your balls with my candlestick" as he pursues with nothing less than a flame- thrower.

Average. Action and T, & A. Plenty of early 20's girls, fashion models. The sounds of all the guns (and some explosions) were strangely soothing to me. You would call this mindless entertainment. As far as caring about the characters; you don't mind if they get killed.

Well, firstly.....I'd like to say that despite what people tell you about this movie...it is one of the best movies made....it was so original, the acting was raw and real and personally i think Ross hagen did a excellent job...i mean come on...the unforgettable dialog..Jack: "You little B**ch, don't you ever talk to me again like that!" and "Alright guys let's hustle"....not to mention when he he smiles when the van takes off in one of the scenes...i must say he is pretty good looking as well...i actually have a friend that resembles him, and in all seriousness, girls ask him for his phone number all the time!(Kal;)) The killings in the movie were freaky but realistic, the idea of the nurse killer was so outlandish and disturbing that made it good....the metro music was excellent, the script superb...and the action sequences were amazing..especially considering it is an old film, but yet they pulled off some amazing scenes...Ross Hagen is one of my idols today and the character jack.and i envy to look like him......there is nothing like him, and in my opinion he should of been nominated for something...It was the best Christmas DVD i got and i highly recommend it if your looking for a intellectual, deep, and even meaningful movie.....

CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER opens with beautiful, oily women in barely-there bikinis, brandishing knives and guns while striking various poses. This is pretty much the way it goes in this movie, with more photoshoots with increasingly bigger guns.

Is that a flamethrower? Where did they find so many gorgeous women with soap bubbles between their ears? Hey! There's a chainsaw! Here come the machineguns!

Meanwhile, a killer prepares to relieve these vacuous women of their exciting lives.

This is a hilariously silly movie about the hazards of calendar modeling. The actual murders take forever to get rolling, but the rest is such absurd brilliance that it hardly matters! Nonsensical situations merge with muddle-headed dialogue to produce this cinematic wonder.

THIS MENAGERIE ALSO INCLUDES: #1- Pirate chicks with eyepatches and double-barreled pistols! #2- A watermelon! #3- Cavemen! #4- A finale pitting a Fonzie lookalike against the world's burliest nurse!

Watch immediately!...