Matthew Broderick credited as playing...
Clark Kellogg
- Clark Kellogg: [narrating] There's a kind of freedom in being completely screwed... because you know things can't get any worse.
- Clark Kellogg: What is the deal please? What is it? Am I some kind of a dupe? They looked through the Putnam Yearbook and they said, "Oh, here's a chump."
- Tina Sabatini: Are you serious? A dupe? Do you think I'd be marrying a dupe? Everybody is talking about the job you are doing. It's all over town! Larry London called my father. Said how bright you were. How gentle. How perceptive. If you weren't all those things, do you think Vic would be out this afternoon getting you a gun permit?
- Clark Kellogg: A gun permit? I don't need a gun permit!
- Tina Sabatini: You have to have one if you're going to be carrying a gun. Clark, people are chasing you.
- Carmine Sabatini: I want you to take this opportunity. Totally legitimate work for $1,000 dollars a week. And I know that you're not gonna disappoint me.
- Clark Kellogg: Well, I don't see how I could say no.
- Carmine Sabatini: [leans back in his chair] This is not a yes.
- [takes a walnut and cracks it open in his hand]
- Carmine Sabatini: [still crushing the shell] I want to hear yes.
- Clark Kellogg: It's about these animals. These reptiles
- Carmine Sabatini: Yeah, what about 'em?
- Clark Kellogg: They're endangered.
- Carmine Sabatini: Not any more. They're in Jersey, they're fine.
- Clark Kellogg: Sir, I don't know where this talk of marriage began, but I'm really not ready. I'd really like to sample life a little bit first.
- Carmine Sabatini: Wait. No, wait. Clark, after you get married you sample life. I mean, this is what men do. Marriage is an institution. It's the bedrock of society. What you're talking about is a little va-va-voom. This is self understood. But, what I'm talking about is social order.
- Clark Kellogg: My heart was pounding as I crossed the dance floor. In a few minutes I would be free or dead...or Rodolfo Lasparri of Palermo, Sicily!
- Victor Ray: [hands Clark a fake passport] Is that a piece of work or what?
- Clark Kellogg: What is this? "Rodolfo Lasparri"?
- Victor Ray: Clark, I gotta tell you. The odds are pretty good we're all gonna be on a plane to Palermo, Sicily tonight, at midnight, *if* we're still walking.
- Clark Kellogg: I don't want to go to Palermo, Sicily!
- Victor Ray: Have you ever been there?
- Clark Kellogg: No, of course not!
- Victor Ray: Then you really can't make an informed judgement, can you, Rodolfo?
- [In Little Italy]
- Clark Kellogg: This is it?
- Victor Ray: Yeah. Safest neighborhood in New York.
- [Gunshot in the background]
- Larry London: [sings in German] Mein Herz schwebt in Blut! That means 'My Heart Swims In Blood'.
- Clark Kellogg: Yeah.
- Clark Kellogg: I'm illegally transporting endangered species! Please, sir, I'd like to be let out.
- Carmine Sabatini: Wait a minute. This is an impossibility.
- Clark Kellogg: What do you mean? Why can't...
- Carmine Sabatini: Look, Clark. I have a certain standing in the business community. How's it gonna look? A young college kid gonna make me look like a fool? I mean this is humiliation. It's infamia.
- Clark Kellogg: There's federal officers after me.
- Carmine Sabatini: Did you get their names?
- Clark Kellogg: Greenwald and Simpson. They told me that they would put me in jail for two years, unless I led them to the Gourmet Club.
- Carmine Sabatini: No, they're not gonna, they're not gonna send you to jail.
- Clark Kellogg: Oh, they're not?
- Carmine Sabatini: No, they're gonna blow your brains out.
- [first lines]
- Dwight Armstrong, Clark's Step-father: Over there! Look!
- Clark Kellogg: Dwight?
- Dwight Armstrong, Clark's Step-father: Shh!
- Clark Kellogg: Dwight, don't. Don't, really.
- [Dwight fires his rifle]
- Hunter: Hey, asshole! What are ya, nuts? You can't see the cap, it's not orange enough for ya?
- [Dwight fires again]
- Dwight Armstrong, Clark's Step-father: Get out of these woods!
- [last lines]
- Carmine Sabatini: When you finish film school, I'd like to call you, because I know a lot of people in Hollywood.
- Clark Kellogg: Oh, really?
- Carmine Sabatini: Yeah. I could kick a couple of doors open for you.
- Clark Kellogg: Oh. Oh.
- Carmine Sabatini: Give you a couple of opportunities.
- Clark Kellogg: Oh. Oh, no. No, no. You know, I... I don't know. I don't think that's necessary.
- Carmine Sabatini: No, no, no, really. It's easy for me. I'll just make a phone call. Make it easy for you.
- Carmine Sabatini: My nephew tells me you're from Kansas.
- Clark Kellogg: Vermont.
- Carmine Sabatini: Vermont. Kansas. Vermont.
- Victor Ray: Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
- Carmine Sabatini: The most important thing is we're all Americans.
- Clark Kellogg: [Reciting his father's poem to Carmine Sabatini] There's a certain doorway on Boylston Street that I passed by on foot, suited and shod, one of many each Tuesday, toward lunch with a certain woman, regarded each Tuesday by the perfect turning gaze of a white Persian, regarding me, love-bound and sped by desire, and returning to the certainty of his fur.
- Victor Ray: How about I give you a hand with those bags?
- Clark Kellogg: Oh, no thanks. I'm fine.
- Victor Ray: You're a smart kid. Rule number one: don't let anybody touch your bags, kid.
- Clark Kellogg: Do you know, that picture on the wall back there, that wouldn't by any chance be Mussolini?
- Carmine Sabatini: It ain't Tony Bennett.
- [laughs]
- Carmine Sabatini: Some of the other members of the club, just, eh, I don't know, they keep it up there for sentiment.
- Clark Kellogg: Sentiment?
- Victor Ray: Yeah, you know, the old days.
- Carmine Sabatini: Yeah, it's for the old days, for good or for bad. It would be like for you, I suppose, a picture of the The Beatles.
- Victor Ray: Yeah, The Beatles.
- Clark Kellogg: They're actually before my time.
- Carmine Sabatini: Well, whatever works.