Craig Sheffer: Zane

Instant Karma

Zane

Jesus Man: [Zane and Penelope, on their date, are walking along a boardwalk at Venice Beach. An odd man pushing a shopping cart comes up behind them] Hey! Hey! Guess what?
Zane: What?
Jesus Man: Guess!
Zane: I don't know. What?
Jesus Man: I'm Jesus Christ... I am.
Zane: [a bit taken aback] Well... Nice to meet you, Mr. Christ.
Zane: [Zane and Penelope laugh and walk on, the guy still following them] I don't know what to say to the guy...
Jesus Man: Hey! Hey! You two married?
Jesus Man: [Zane and Penelope stop and look at him] I can marry ya'.
Zane: Yeah?
Jesus Man: I'm Jesus Christ!

Dr. Berlin: You say you're in love... why do you seem to be so troubled, then?
Zane: Maybe wanting to be great in someone else's eyes makes us examine ourselves more closely.
Dr. Berlin: Well, that's what we're here for.
Zane: I just really think I sold out.
Dr. Berlin: Where does all this guilt come from?
Zane: I just wanted to be a great writer like my dad, you know? He was an artist.
Dr. Berlin: Well, as I understand it, he never really got anywhere.
Zane: Well, that depends on how you look at it. I couldn't feel good about myself if I knew I willingly sold out.
Dr. Berlin: Maybe you were seduced?
Zane: Was I?
Dr. Berlin: Let me ask you... Would you rather have the money? Or the art?
Zane: [pauses to consider] Both.
Dr. Berlin: Ah, well, maybe you can't *have* both.
Zane: Well... Well, if I said the money, I couldn't respect myself. And, if I said the art... I couldn't afford you.
Dr. Berlin: Maybe we better have a little hypnotherapy.

Shakra Zula: [reading his palm at her booth on Venice Beach] Hmm... very interesting. You have a very long life line...
Zane: I do?
Shakra Zula: ...but it is broken early on.
Zane: Well... what does that mean?
Shakra Zula: Oh, it could mean many things.
Zane: Well, what about my love line?
Shakra Zula: It is very jagged. Broken. You are very alone. Not happy.
Zane: Well... will I *ever* find happiness?
Shakra Zula: [sounding very somber] Not in this life, I'm afraid.

Zane: [Later, sitting at a café, after the not-very-positive palm reading] I mean, she said I'm never gonna' find happiness, right? So I'm probably never gonna' find happiness.
Penelope: She said it was unlikely, not impossible. Aren't those the only things worth doing? Things that seem almost impossible?

Zane: [In therapy session with Dr. Berlin] Water is a mystical medium, because it evaporates. I loved Amy. I thought she loved me. Then about a year ago she said, "I've found somebody else. I'm leaving you."
Dr. Berlin: Well, what about now?
Zane: Picture a vast desert - a wasteland. Nothing in it as far as the eye can see, except for one tiny, lone figure. That's me, Dr. Berlin. I'm all alone. All my relationships are professional - except for my dog, Wolfgang. I need someone to love. I don't know what the problem is. I mean, my career is going well. You know, I meet a lot of women, but I always seem to screw things up!
Dr. Berlin: I see...
Zane: Do you?
Dr. Berlin: Yes. The dog barks, but the caravan moves on... Let's do some hypnotherapy.