John Candy credited as playing...
Jack Chester
- Jack Chester: Get the hell out of here now!
- Fat Man: You get out of here fella. I'm trying to watch the Smurfs.
- Jack Chester: You're trying to watch the Smurfs?
- Fat Man: Yeah.
- Jack Chester: Did you see the one where Papa Smurf took a crutch and smashed the shit out of a guy with a red hat? Did you see that one? You want to see that one?
- [Fat Man runs away]
- Scully: [Discussing the ocean] She'll make ya rich, or she'll feed ya to the fishes. If she wants you to dance, sonny boy, you've got to follow her lead.
- Jack Chester: Didn't I read that on your bathroom wall?
- Scully: Yes. And it's as true today as when I hung it there.
- Scully: Hey mate! Good to see you. What can I get ya?
- Jack Chester: How about... drunk.
- Scully: [laughing] We can handle that!
- Jack Chester: [receives shot of rum] Do you have an ice cube for this?
- Jack Chester: Don't serve those.
- Al: What are you doing?
- Jack Chester: These are my lobsters.
- Al: Your lobsters?
- Jack Chester: That's right you've got my table but you're not getting my lobsters.
- Al: Oh and this is your table?
- Jack Chester: [Slams his hands on the table] My table!
- Jack Chester: Your wrong. You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong!
- Scully: I'm trying to tell you that as a fighter, pound for pound, my boy, Jimmy Cagney, will disintegrate your Sylvester Stallone. He'll knock his block off!
- Jack Chester: In a street fight, maybe. I give you that. But, not in a movie!
- Vicki: Can I have your honest opinion about something?
- Jack Chester: Sure.
- Vicki: [lifts her bikini top] What do you think of these? Well, how do they look?
- Jack Chester: About what?
- Vicki: These!
- Jack Chester: Oh, those.
- Vicki: Yeah. How do they look?
- Jack Chester: Uh, similar?
- Vicki: No, I mean, do they look good? I just got them.
- Jack Chester: Who had them before you?
- Vicki: Nobody, silly. I just recently had them enlarged.
- Jack Chester: Oh, I see.
- Jack Chester: Where's Angus with that sail? There's only two more shopping days left.
- Scully: He's searching the entire coast for it. I'm sure he'll find it.
- Jack Chester: How can you be so sure?
- Scully: If he don't, I'll kill him.
- Jack Chester: [Jack has spilled a huge bag of dog food all over the floor and is trying to clean it up] Do you have a dustpan or something?
- Dan Gardner: You can just leave it sir.
- Jack Chester: Good idea, because you might have a guest this summer and they have a dog and this is excellent stuff.
- Jack Chester: Should she be talking to him?
- Sandy Chester: Why not?
- Jack Chester: Why not? Are you crazy? He's a life guard. They're all sex maniacs. Right now each of his gonads is screaming me first.
- Jack Chester: Where do you think you're going? This isn't a nude beach.
- Jennifer Chester: Oh, Daddy!
- Jack Chester: Who do you think you are? Lolita?
- Ed: I'm sorry, mister, but she's worrying the whole world with her new knockers.
- Vicki: Oh, be quiet, Ed. I just want his opinion.
- Ed: She's so insecure! Last night, she shoved them in the clerk's face at the 7-11, Honey, relax, will you. They're beautiful. They look right and they feel right!
- Vicki: Yeah?
- Ed: Mister, will you try them and tell her they feel right? As a favor to me?
- Jack Chester: [cops of feel] Oh, yeah. Boy those are so lifelike it's ridiculous.
- Ed: See. Everybody likes 'em. Thanks, buddy, I owe you one.
- Jack Chester: What are neighbors for.
- Scully: There's nothing like the sea to lift your spirits and put a song in your heart.
- Jack Chester: I know what you mean. You must know a lot of ocean songs.
- Scully: I do. Here's a sea ditty my mother taught me.
- [singing]
- Scully: Love, Exciting and new, Come aboard, We're expecting you, And love, Life's sweetest reward, Let if flow
- Jack Chester, Scully: It flows back to you, The Love Boat...
- Jack Chester: Come on Hal. Can't you pull a few strings for me?
- Hal: It's not on my hands. The agency gave you a mandatory five. Look Jack, you've been landing planes for 13 years. Face it, you're burned out. It's not a dirty word in this business. I'm telling you this as a friend, you need this rest.
- Jack Chester: I can't believe they're doing this! Just because of a stinking fly.
- Jennifer Chester: Did they even say how many rooms they're are?
- Jack Chester: It's three bedrooms and it's on the beach. That's all I know.
- Sandy Chester: Well it was very nice of Hal to find the place.
- Jack Chester: It was very nice of him to tell me that I'm cracking up.
- Sandy Chester: You are not cracking up. You just need this rest.
- Jack Chester: Rest? Didn't we just get back from Hawaii?
- Sandy Chester: Jack, that was our honeymoon.
- Jack Chester: Oh, gee, I forgot my bathing suit. I guess I can't go in the water all summer.
- Sandy Chester: Jack, nobody cares what you look like in a bathing suit.
- [spanks Jack's behind]
- Jack Chester: That's just it.
- Sandy Chester: I'm going to pick one up for you.
- Jack Chester: Well, I'm not going to wear it. Not until I lose, maybe, 3 or 4 pounds.
- Sandy Chester: I love the way you look in a bathing suit.
- [kiss]
- Jack Chester: My mother was right, you're twisted.
- Sandy Chester: Mmm-hmm.
- Jack Chester: I'd take those over a power tool any day.
- Vicki: Do they look like real breasts to you?
- [does a shimmy]
- Jack Chester: Well, you fooled me!
- Vicki: You don't think they're too big?
- Jack Chester: No! No, no, no, no.
- Sandy Chester: Jack, you spend all of your time with Scully. What do the two of you do all day?
- Jack Chester: Dance.