Kick or Die

A guy whose fiancée was raped and killed years ago by a maniac and has lived in seclusion ever since, is finally bought out of his shell by a request from an old friend that he teaches self defence classes to women. In doing so, he finds a new girl, deals with the attention of a bunch of motorcycle thugs and concentrates on his own hunt for the rapist, as the list of victims grows ever longer.

My God, what a pile of crap. Not only do you have to sit through some of the most laughable fight sequences since the 60's Batman TV series and a plot as generic as you can possibly imagine, but you also have the twin threat of a hero so wooden he should have a 'flammable' sticker on him, and bad guys who are more like pantomime villains than serious assailants.

Aah, but I haven't got to the worst part yet. You see, the love interest in this movie is a budding singer, and several key scenes are set in a studio where she hopes to be recording her debut album. I can honestly say she better set up a stand at the headquarters for the National Association For The Deaf, because that's the only way she'd ever shift any copies. I really hope there wasn't a soundtrack for this movie, her children would be mortified..

The most interesting aspect of this completely uninteresting bilge is the ongoing combination of American and South African accents. Or is it Australian? I really can't tell. Anyway, this jarred on my nerves to such an extent it took me completely out of the film. So I guess that can be counted as a positive. One last thing, if you MUST see this, don't bother watching the UK VHS version. It has a minute cut by the BBFC, mostly thanks to the graphic sexual beating of unclothed women. Personally though, I don't think that's enough. I would have erased an hour and a half and turned it into a blank tape. Now there's an idea.. 1/10.